Tuesday, July 21, 2015

My perfect HOH isn't from a book or a movie

Hi everyone!! Ugh, I've really missed this blog! Things have been so busy lately and I really haven't had any time to get on here. To be honest, I also just didn't really have much inspiration, and I felt as if I was always writing about the ups and downs going on and blah blah blah. I kinda figured everyone was getting tired of reading the same old stuff, and just felt as if I didn't have much to say.

Well I still don't have anything to say that's completely different than what I used to write about, but I figured who cares. This blog used to help me SO much. It was a way to get my feelings out, a way for Colin to really know how I was feeling, and a way to keep connected with some people. SOO - I might not say the most interesting, or useful things.. but here I am. Back, and ready to start writing again. Writing AND reading.. I need to catch up with everyone and their blogs, and I'm so sorry for being so out of the loop!!

So, what's new with us. Well, we're still going through the struggles of DD. The ups, the downs, the highs, the lows, and all the damn twists and turns that seem to always be there. We've had a few of those break through moments, whether it be a spanking, or just a simple conversation, and I think we've both learned a lot about ourselves and each other. One thing I learned is that I came into this thing with all these crazy expectations. I had done research, watched videos, read books, etc, and had the perfect idea of what DD was supposed to be. What the perfect HOH was supposed to be. Basically how perfect this lifestyle was supposed to be. A few years into this, I feel like the best piece of advice I could give to someone new is to forget the expectations!

Yes, you need to know what interests you. What you like, what you don't like. What you want to explore, what your limits are, etc. BUT don't make up this perfect Dom/HOH in your head and expect your guy to just snap his fingers and turn into him. I'm so extremely lucky that Colin was so open to this lifestyle, and so open to learning all about it. I've come to realize that my perfect HOH isn't someone out of a book, or a video, but instead it's Colin. It's the man that is so willing to figure this out with me, and go through this crazy ride with me. He may not be perfect, I know I'm far from perfect, and we both have A LOT of things to work on, but I wouldn't want anyone else and he's perfect for me!

I'm not saying I don't still have my moments where I just want to give up on DD, and where I'm emotionally drained.. because there are still plenty of those. The difference is that I know eventually we will get there. We will find what works for us. We'll go through a whole lot more twists and turns, but we'll get through them. I've come to really appreciate the gentle Dominance that seems to come so naturally for him. Playing with my hair, holding me, comforting me, really just loving me. That's not to say I don't crave the other side of his Dominance as well - the strict, non lenient type of Dominance, but I know he has that side too. I just need to see it a little bit more. ;)

So basically, I just want to say thank you to Colin for being so willing, so open, and MY perfect hoh. I know I can be difficult and a pain in the butt at times, but just know that I appreciate you so much.

On another note - we got to meet up with some DD friends again for a few nights and I can't even put into words how amazing those get togethers are. The people we've met have turned into family, and I honestly couldn't ask for a better support system. We're able to share vanilla times, have crazy DD conversations, openly talk about spanking, and laugh practically the whole time we're together. I'm so lucky to have met such great people through such a crazy topic.

Sorry for the kinda sappy post, but It's just how I was feeling tonight. I think for the next post it's time for some Dr. Seuss spanking poetry - SOOO what poem would you like to see turned into a spanko version? If you guys have any suggestions, I'll use one of them for my next post!


  1. Okay, first of all, don't you dare apologize for an awesome post! :)
    "Fewer Expectations, More Appreciation." Amen to that. It's a lot better when there's not so much pressure on the whole dynamic, isn't it? It took me awhile to figure that out too...and occasionally I still forget. Difference is that he's grown enough to stop me in my tracks when I do head down that road. ;)
    I'll have to think about the Dr. Seuss poem, but I look forward to reading it whatever it is!

    1. Aw thats so sweet! Thank you!

      Good for him for being able to know to stop you when you're heading there. That's awesome. :)

  2. Hi Kenzie, it's great to hear from you! I was wondering how you are doing. What wonderful, loving words to your man :) This is a great post. So many of us fall into the trap of having expectations of how it should work and vision of how our HoH should be. However, there is no right or wrong or one way and each couple is different and needs to find what works for them. That takes time to develop. Also, we each need to be able to grow into our role our way.

    Looking forward to hearing more from you :)


    1. So nice to hear from you! I've missed you here!

      Your comment makes so much sense and I have to try and stop and remind myself of those things next time I get into a frustrating situation. :)

  3. Kenzie! It is so nice to hear from you!

    You know what? I think you do a great service to others by writing about the ups and downs of Dd ( says the self professed poster children of dysfunctional Dd). Truth be told there are MORE couples out there that struggle with it than not. They are also the couples that appear to show the greatest growth, both as a couple and as individuals.

    Through our struggles I have come to realize that we needed to learn something about ourselves each time. We were not progressing or were stalled because personally one of us had hit a road block. As much as it SUCKS at the time, these are the things that build a stronger foundation in the future. You know, turn those stumbling blocks into building blocks and all that jazz *wink*.

    As much as I love and adore your cute and fun posts, please continue to also write your truths. Continue to use your blog as you intended. Blogs can be fun and entertaining, but sharing warts and all helps everyone!

    Hope you find time to write more, whatever you choose to write about!

    1. Willie!! Your comments are always SO sweet! I've missed you here in blogland!!! I love thinking of it as turning the stumbling blocks into building blocks. I'm going to have to remember that for the future! :)

  4. Kenzie let me ask you these questions. In your DD relationship with your ever loving husband Colin, are spankings given to you on your bare bottom, for sexual enjoyment, or corporal punishment. Does he use a hand, paddle, hairbrush, birch rod, cane, or whip. Are your spankings given to you on your bare bottom, and how hard are they.

    1. They're for different things. Kind of depends on the mood, if it's punishment, etc. Also uses different things depending on what it's for, or what the mood/type of spanking is.

  5. Hello Kenzie

    My name is Ray and I am new to this site.

    Your stuggles sound a lot like ours when we first started. It takes work but you eventually get to smoother sailing. Did you do a contract? That helps a lot.

    You actually met other DD couples? Wow. I don't hear of that very often.

    I recommend boot camp. That a lot of times helps to gets things on track or back on track.
    I can send you items on how we do it if you want. It can be fun and rewarding if done right. My wife and I just came back from one and had a great time.

    Just keep on keeping on.


    1. Thanks for the comment. :) We did boot camp in the beginning, and it was extremely helpful for us! Might have to try it out again. :)

      Glad it worked for you guys too!