Thursday, March 21, 2013

Consistency, issues, and questions anyone?

Since starting this blog, i'm kinda sorta, maybe just a little, obsessed with all the spanking blogs i've found.  It seems like a great place for advice, and just to talk with other people who share the same kind of interests.  I can tell i'm going to be on this blog when I should probably be doing other things .. we'll see if that lands me in any kind of trouble or not.

Thanks to everyone who's stopped by so far, hopefully i'll be able to have some interesting posts to write soon enough.  You'll probably have to bare with me though, because I can already tell that when it comes to us exploring ttwd, ds, dd, whatever you want to call it - it's not going to be an easy ride.

I think our main obstacles are going to be twofold.  One on his end, and one on mine.

Colin's issue is going to be consistency.  He likes to talk a big game, but he doesn't always walk the walk.  Sorry hun, but you know it's true. ;)  I'm sure it takes some getting used to for him, especially because he isn't the one who's been interested in all of it for such a long time, and honestly i'm so thankful he's so willing, but it doesn't make it any easier.  He's really good with texting me in the morning with a list of things that need to be done, or reminding me throughout the day that I better be drinking the right amount of water, BUT then when it comes down to it - if those things didn't get done, he seems to not give it another thought.  He's working on it, and getting better, but of course it won't be an overnight transition, and i'm trying to be patient.

The second obstacle is an issue of mine.  I have to get over the fact that even though he's told me a million and one times, how he doesn't think this is stupid, there's something in the back of my mind that is still screaming, "He thinks your absolutely ridiculous for wanting this, I mean how could he not?!"

Even right now, writing this blog, knowing he'll eventually read it, makes me question whether he'll think what i'm writing is stupid or not.  I'm really trying to get past that though and just write what comes to my mind.  If i'm able to be open and honest about things with him, then I think it'll give him more confidence in his role as the dominant one.  I also need to just learn to give in, because it'll help me feel more comfortable being the submissive one.  I'm used to taking the lead with things, being in control, when really, I want it to be the other way around.  I think he does too.  For some reason I just over think everything wayyyy too much.

For example, when he does actually decide to punish me, we could be in the middle of a spanking, and i'll just be so wrapped up in the thought of him thinking this is ridiculous, that I jump right up, go into the other room, and slam the door.  Must be confusing for him.  At least I know it's something I need to work on, so i'm trying.  Hopefully this blog will help with the things we need to work on.  We'll see.

Oh crap.  Talk about being caught up with this blog.  I forgot a few things I was supposed to do before he got home tonight, which I won't have time to do now.  Writing lines (one thing he's started liking that I absolutely hate, but can see why they're effective,) and something else that I can't even remember now.  Whoops.

Not to mention the fact that I had half a bottle of water, when i'm supposed to be drinking 4-6.

At least I can say I got to the gym which was one thing I was supposed to do.  Maybe that'll count for something.

For all I know, he'll be too tired by the time he gets home to even check out the blog, or realize some stuff wasn't done.  On one hand i'm thinking that'd be a good thing tonight, and on the other hand, I do want to see that he'll start being consistent and step up to the plate.  Hmm.

Will this be us .. or not?  We'll see.

Another thing we've talked about is keeping a journal and having me write in it every night, writing anything that wasn't done that should have been.  Not sure how serious he is about that though, so i'll wait and see what he says.

One other thing I wanted to mention, as I was reading blogs, I noticed a theme with a lot of them, and that's that this month is question month?  So I know we're new here, and I thought maybe giving anyone who reads this the opportunity to ask some questions would be a good way to get to know us.

So ask away, anything you want to know.  If you have questions for Colin, that's cool too.  I'll show him any questions and ask him to answer them as well. :)


  1. Hi Kinzie.
    Your doing great starting this DD relationship. Your over thinking everything if you stay on this track your going to drive yourself nuts so my advice to you is breath enjoy the new relationship.
    You just started a new lifestyle with your husband and it is going to take time to work out the kinks before it runs smoothly.
    Remember to keep that communication lines open and most of all have fun with it.


    1. Hey Bob, great advice. I really am overthinking everything and I just have to work at being patient and trusting in him. Thanks for the advice!

  2. Looks like someone was being a brat last night. You better be giving in tonight because you've been long over due for that bottom to be red Kenzie! Just wait until I get home from work today. Fair warning your not going to get away with that anymore.

     -C. ( Colin )

    1. After arguing with you last night, im thinking the best response here is: yes, sir. :)

    2. Good girl.


  3. Consistency is hard, I sympathize deeply with Colin. I tell my wife there will be consequences if she does not do xxx, but usually I either chicken out or forget all about it, and she's not going to remind me.

    1. Consistency sure is hard. I feel like when it comes to reminding, if I were to remind him, it defeats the whole purpose. We thought some kind of journal would be helpful for that. Maybe itd work for you guys as well?

  4. We still somewhat struggle with consistency here too. I am thankfully no longer questioning his commitment to this, which helped both of us feel better and communicate better.
    When he starts being more consistent with you, you will start to believe his commitment, making this whole thing that much easier!

    1. Thanks Julia, ive told him that a few times. That once he starts being consistent ill start to believe it, and stop being such a pain in the ass lol.

  5. First of all, don't overthink... I know that everyone have different view of D/s relation, but for me it's look like that - he is my Owner, and I have my own opinions and thoughts and willness, but he own all of that, and HE should think about our relation, and I should be his... So... I'm trying not to think and just trust him... Just... And about consistent... I always remind my Master if he forget something... Believe me or not - it's better for me to remind him, in case he would remember it by himself :P

    About questions... :> I would like to ask, if your husband had any feelings for kinky before he met you?
    And... Where are you looking for some inspiration, guys? Blogs? Books? Movies?

    Hope you'll cope with that...
    P.S. Sorry for my English, it's still not the best

    1. Thanks for the comment, you're right - over thinking isn't the way to go. Thanks for the questions also. I'm going to actually answer them in a post this week if that's okay? Feel like it'd be a good way to start out the blog!

      Don't worry about your english by the way, it's not bad at all!

  6. One of the great things about D/s (or whatever alphabet you're comfortable with using to describe ttwd) is the ability to turn all our doubts into their hands. Try not to question motives. Try to trust that your other half has listened to you and it isn't a game...and you aren't yanking the strings just because you have voiced a need.
    Welcome to Blogland ;o)

    1. Love this comment, it's so what I needed to hear. I'm finally starting to put the trust into him, and not question him anymore. We had a long talk about it last night, and I think it'll really help. Thanks so much!

  7. I've linked you in my recent post.

    I'm sure you'll meet more blogfriends as you make your rounds visiting people and more people come and visit you!

    But remember this - you married your best friend. Trust him. If he says he's on board, he's on board.

    One thing BIKSS had to teach me was that sometimes there are things that are REALLY important to him, that he WILL make sure gets done or seen to, and there are other things that aren't as important. They're also trying to work it out for themselves, and so we would be wise to just leave them be. If they seem inconsistent, give it time.

    You'll find your equilibrium, (I can't tell you how long that will take tho!!) and figure out what are the things that are really important for BOTH of you and which are the little things that don't really matter.

    (I know i wanted him to be all serious and no-nonsense about some stuff, like bedtime!! but that's not something he's felt a need to impose on me all the time, just when he thinks there's a need to cos maybe i've been staying up too late too many nights, or i have an early morning the next day.)

    So the key is, trust that he'll know WHEN to enforce something and when it's not the most important thing on the plate.

    *easier said than done... but when you get there, you'll look back and smile at this*

    1. Wow, thanks for this comment.. it really helped put things into perspective. It makes sense that some things will be important to Colin, and some not so much. Ill just have to trust his decisions. And thanks so much for mentioning me in the post!

  8. Kenzie,

    I compliment you for exploring DD with Colin in the first place. Many people cannot muster the courage to do this, I am glad that you did.

    Good luck,

    Big Hug,

  9. I think that doubt can start a vicious circle. When I was married, I was the spanko (well, I still am lol) and he was vanilla. It was years into our relationship before I even told him about this spanking thing I'd had on my mind for as long as I could remember.

    He was very understanding and willing to give it a try, but it took a LOT of patience, communication, and time. Patience isn't my strong suit. I had to keep telling myself that this had been on my mind for such a long, long time. But he had only just heard about any of it. That's a lot to digest and work through.

    Constantly doubting if he really wanted this or if he thought I was a freak and on and on caused me stress and led me to be impatient with him for not "getting it." That in turn didn't put him in the best headspace to want to be doing it because he felt I was upset with him and he really was trying.

    Then at times when he did follow through I'd feel resistant to the spanking and that the reasons weren't fair. This would throw him off as well because he thought he was doing what I wanted but now I was fighting him.

    How can you explain to someone else how you feel when you don't always understand it in your own head? I feel for tops/partners/HoH's, I really do. We bottoms are not easy people to "get." Lol.
    I don't have the answer to make things work without a hitch. I don't think that answer exists.

    But I can tell you that you are not alone in some of these feelings you are having and hiccups in your new path with your husband. All I can say is put yourself in each other's shoes sometimes and you may "get it" more than you realized. And talk, talk, talk, even when it's hard. I hope writing here is a big help to you as well.

    1. Parts of that comment sounded like it came straightout of my mouth! Thanks for sharing that with me, it really does help to know that other people have gone through it and had the same feelings!

  10. You mentioned looking for ways for him to assert his dominance, not sure if it was in this post or another, and I'm not sure if this is what you're looking for, but this was a good article: