You had questions, I have answers! :)

Ok.. so I didn't exactly reach my goal and get back to blogging by Friday, buuuut it is Monday, so I'm glad I was able to get back here today. :)

I started a 30 day diet this past Wednesday, and I'm so excited! It was tough at first, still is tough from time to time, but the results make it SO worth it! 9 lbs so far! Yay! Basically two meals are shakes (which taste like cake by the way) and then you have a 600 calorie dinner with healthy foods. You have to drink a ton of water, and there are some little snack things a couple times throughout the day to make it easier.

I'm also going to start getting to the gym this week, so hopefully the results will end up even better!

The best part is that Colin is going to do it with me!!! It will make it so much easier for both of us to be doing it together. Plus we have some little incentives for each other to make it more fun.

Other than that, DD is going okay. We still have the ups and downs, but it's better than it was before. He's been great so far helping me stick to the diet, now I just need to see a little more sterness/less leniency. ;)

Aside from that, not much else is new. Thought I'd take the time to answer some questions I got on the last post. Rather than answering individual comments, I'll just answer them here.

DelFonte asked:

Where we are with DD/TTWD and if we're planning any exciting holidays.

I somewhat answered the DD question above, but we're doing pretty good. We have some work to do, and life is certainly still getting in the way, but I'd say we're in a good spot right now. As for holidays, nothing too soon unfortunately, but hopefully a fun get together in the summer with some DD friends! I need a vacation asap.. somewhere warm!!

Blondie asked:

Do we see a time (or age) when the DD is not necessary, and/or the spankings end?

I say... no way, lol. We'll be one hundred years old and he'll still be carrying a wooden spoon in his back pocket. ;) I think (and hope) it will always be a part of our marriage. We're fine without it, but I just think we're so much better with it.

Colin said: I haven't thought about it much. I can't see the spankings ever ending, and I always think DD will be there. There may be ups and downs, or it might slow down, but I don't see it ever going away permanently. More challenges will come up as we get older, kids, etc, but it'll still be there.

Julia asked:

What I thought of the 50 Shades movie.

Honestly, I was pleasantly surprised and can say I enjoyed it. There were parts that pissed me off, and the main actress annoyed the crap out of me for the most part, but the actor who played Christian was wayyy hotter than I thought he was before the movie. It was fun to go see something different, that somewhat shows (even though it's in a skewed messed up way) spanking, and a D/s kind of thing. It annoys me that they pretty much say Christian is the way he is because of a messed up childhood, but all in all.. it was good entertainment and I'm excited for the second one!

Leigh asked:

When is life going to get back to normal so I can visit more often?

Lol, hopefully SOON! ASAP! Work is slowing down, but other things are picking up, so it'll be a tough balance, but I think I'll have more time to come visit than I have lately! :)

SheandHim asked:

What is one place I'd love to shop if money wasn't an object? And, what is my favorite kind of implement for play?

The shopping question is not fair.. I can't pick one place!! Lol, Colin will tell you I'm a ridiculous shopper. I especially love makeup and clothes, so if money wasn't an object I'd so crazy at either Sephora or Urban outfitters!

As for the implement.. I love the belt. There's just something really sexy about it!

Roz asked:

What direction would I like to see my dynamic take, and who is someone I admire and why?

I'd love for ttwd to be present more often. When it comes to little things such as deciding where we eat, or what movie we're going to see. I guess I'd really like for him to have more of a say in every day things. I guess just more Dominance from him, and more submission from me to sum it up. :)

As for who I admire? My parents. I'm so lucky to have such amazing, supportive, loving parents. Honestly, I can't even put into words what they mean to me. Also, Colin. He works so hard, is so supportive, loyal, caring, and just an amazing man who I have so much respect for.

Thanks everyone for the questions! There's still a little bit time left in March, so if anyone has any other questions for either of us, feel free to ask. :)

Expectations in a DD relationship

What do you expect from your Hoh in your DD relationship? What do you think they expect from you?

Colin and I had a fairly long talk the other night, and those are the questions that came up. What are the expectations? What do I need? What does he need? Are our expectations realistic?

When I first started DD, I half expected it to be like a story fairytale you read in a DD book. Where my HOH will say everything right, do everything right, discipline me every time I need it, and pretty much be able to read my mind. Right away he will know what pushes my buttons, what my triggers are, what words or phrases really get to me, what implements to use - I could go on forever.

Over time, I realized it's not very much like what you read in this books, but it IS possible to make it your own fairytale. A fairytale full of paddles and wooden spoons, rather than princesses and tiaras of course. ;)

We've had some serious ups and downs since we started this, I'm not the most naturally submissive sub, and Colin has some big time consistency issues, but I need to remind myself of how lucky I am. When I brought this all up to Colin, he was pretty much vanilla. Sure, he had a kinky side to him, but the whole DD thing was a brand new concept to him. He's been SO incredibly open to it, so willing to embrace it, and so eager to work at it. What more could I ask for? I know we hit a bit of a rough patch, but we're moving forward and making this whole DD fairytale our own.

He asked me to write up something with what I need/expect from him as my Hoh/Dominant, and what I think he needs from me as his Tih/Sub, so I figured I'd write it down in this post.

What I need from Colin:

• Consistency/Confidence - sticking to any punishments that you see fit, and following through with rules/consequences. Being confident in your role.
• Structure - A clear list of rules for me to follow.
• Less leniency - making a punishment a punishment. Not being easy on me all the time.
• Dominance outside of discipline - Make every day decisions. Of course discuss it with me, and ask for my opinions and thoughts - but have the final word be yours.
• Gentle Dominance - Cuddling, taking care of me, little things like playing with my hair, aftercare.
• Alternative punishments - When spanking can't be done, or even sometimes just in place of a spanking; corner time, writing assignments, early bedtime, whatever you see as fair.

What I think Colin needs from me:

• Respect - Respect your decisions, and just respect you in general.
• Obeying - Not arguing when you decide on a punishment. Getting over your knee, rather than putting up a fight. 
• Letting you finish a spanking - If you accidentaly spank me too low, or too high, talk to you after the punishment, rather than getting all pissed and arguing during it.
• Trusting you - Trust that you'll take the lead, and you will take care of things as you see fit.
• Communication - If I feel like you let something go or if I broke a rule - talk to you about it. Don't keep it in inside.
• Be more comfortable - Know that you love my body, and even if I have insecurities, remember that you love me and like what you see.

I'm sure these lists will change overtime, and maybe things will be added or taken away, but that's what I have for now. Hopefully typing it out will help both of us get to where we want to be.

As for a different topic, are you guys excited for LOL day?! I can't wait, and Colin and I decided we might be doing a giveaway of some sort, so all you lurkers, get ready to de-lurk! ;)

Hope everyone had a happy halloween! What'd you all dress up as? I'd love to hear all about your costumes!

Sometimes a Girl Just Needs to be Spanked!

I want to start off by saying thank you for the comments on the last post, and the words of encouragement. :) I really appreciate it!

That's one of the things I love about blogging. Other people get what you're writing about, they get how you're feeling, and they encourage you to keep on going. It's a nice place to be able to vent. (A little foreshadowing there.. beware of the venting.)

Anywayyy.. I have to say the DD flame is not exactly burning strong right now, but we're working on it. Colin has let some things slide, and I haven't exactly been too submissive lately, but it's getting a little bit better.

We're both SO busy that when I get home from practice at 8pm, or he gets home from work between 8 and 9, we just want to relax, eat dinner, watch tv, and play with the kitty! *The actual animal kitty guys - geeez get your minds out of the gutter. ;)*

We did have our talk after I wrote my last post. He came home with the list he wrote of things he wanted to talk about, and he seemed very serious and stern about all of it. It seemed like it would be a good start to things, and it was .. but it hasn't really gone much further than that.

Colin does manual labor all day, so when he gets home he's tired. I get that, I really do. I understand that sometimes he'd like to just relax, unwind, or even sometimes go to bed early, rather than having to deal with lecturing me, spanking me, etc. I understand that that's life and there will be those times.

BUT.. on the flip side, I think sometimes when you're trying to get something back up and running, you need to put that stuff aside and just do it. I mean, if I haven't been sticking to the rules, if I've had an attitude, if I've done something that deserves discipline, suck up your tiredness and just put me over your knee already!

Don't get me wrong, Colin is not the only part to the problem, and I'll admit that. I know people say Dominance comes from submission, and that makes sense, but I need his Dominance to bring out my submission.

I don't deliberately disobey, talk back, break rules, etc, but I also don't pay too much attention to them. For example, I know I'm supposed to drink a certain amount of water each day, or watch my cursing, or even just do things around the house when I'm home, but for the most part, I don't put in the effort.

Like I said, it's not deliberate. I don't do it to get a reaction from him, but I also tell myself that I most likely won't see a reaction from him. Sure, I might get a warning, or the threat of a spanking, but the follow through is not there.

I want to repeat that I understand he's tired, I understand he works LONG hours this time of the year and he gets stressed and exhausted. I'm not trying to complain about him at all. I'm really not. I guess I'm just trying to figure it all out.

Colin is the absolute best man I know. He's such an amazing husband, provider, friend, etc. He makes me feel completely loved, safe, protected, and happy. He literally makes me smile and laugh multiple times a day, and I would never change any of that. If we had to live without DD, our relationship would still be the best thing I could ever ask for in my whole entire life.

DD/Ds just adds to that greatness. It adds to the closeness, to the intimacy, to the love. It literally adds a whole other element to the marriage. Like I said, our relationship would be perfectly fine without it, but that doesn't mean I want to be without it.

I don't know what the answer is, or how to get back to how we both want things to be. It's not a question of whether or not he wants this. I know he wants this. Badly. When I really think about it, I can't say that DD isn't there. For example, I have the day off today and he told me a few things he wanted me to do while he was at work. One of those things was to clean a certain part of our couch that we tend to use as somewhat of a storage space. I just got a text from him saying, "How's the couch looking, young lady?" Or yesterday, I asked him to grab me something from the kitchen, and he gave me that look - right away I knew I forgot to add Sir to my sentence. So DD is still there. I guess what's missing is the follow through, and that's SO important to me. Like the picture I posted says, sometimes a girl just needs to be spanked! ;)

We'll get there, I know we will. It'll take time, patience, work, and probably a couple of arguments here and there. But it'll all be worth it.

On a happier note - he made a purchase the other day that we're both very excited to try out. It's something called Oh Mi Bod. Here's the link for anyone who wants to check it out.

OhMiBod

Hopefully we'll try it out sometime soon, and I'll be able to give a few more details next time I update. :)

One other thing I wanted to mention is that I have this messaging app called KIK, that I use to talk to some DD friends and it stopped working on my old phone. I just got a new phone, so I've re downloaded it and am now able to use it again - yay!

Love chatting to old, and new DD friends.. so If any of you have the app, or want to get it and say hi - feel free. You don't have to put in any personal info or anything, so it's nice and safe!

My name on there is kenziex0x0

Hopefully I'll talk to some of you there. :)

Reigniting the DD flame

How has it been over two months since my last entry in this blog?!

There have been so many times I've wanted to write an entry, but every time I went to do it, something came up. I finally decided I miss it so much, that I have to make time to get back into blogging.

Things have been pretty crazy since my last entry for both Colin and I. First thing to mention is we added a new addition to our family. Nooo, not a baby yet .. but a kitten! He's a little ball of energy, and can be such a little pain, but he is also so cuddly and sweet, and just so freakin' adorable! He was just jumping all over the keyboard, making it impossible to type, but now he's cuddled up next to me, sleeping, so I finally have the keyboard to myself!

Other thing keeping us busy is work. September through March or April is his busiest time for work, and I actually started working for the same company, so it's now busy for me as well. It's nice because it's not as much of a struggle money wise as it usually is for us, but at the same time, it makes DD/Ds pretty impossible.

To be completely honest, there has been very little, if any, DD type stuff going on with us. Unfortunately, it kind of faded into the background the last few months. It's weird, because part of me really misses it, but another part of me has been kind of relieved in a weird way.

There were times that DD/Ds felt like more work than it was supposed to be. I know it takes a lot of work to keep it going, and it's not always easy, but it just felt like .. too much. I think Colin might have felt the same way. I guess a bit of a break was a good thing for us.

That being said, I was wondering the other day if DD was .. done for us. We hadn't talked about it in a while, and I just didn't know where we stood with it.

I went on vacation with my family for a week, and Colin stayed home for work. Being away really really made me miss it. I no longer felt relieved, or wanted anymore of a break. I really wanted the DD/Ds aspect back in our relationship.

I sort of mentioned it to Colin while I was away, and when I came back he said we'd be having a long discussion about things. Part of me wanted to push the subject, and have the conversation then and just get things back on track, but I decided to leave it in his hands. He was aware of how I felt, and I wanted to see if he would follow through. I trusted him to take care of things.

So I've been patient, he's been insanely busy, but today he told me he made a list of things we need to talk about and we'd be having that conversation tonight, as long as he gets home at a decent hour.

I'm happy that he wants things back on track as well. I think life got in the way, and neither of us really pushed to keep things going - but in the end, I think it was a good thing. I think we'll get back to how we were, and end up being even better than ever in our DD/Ds relationship. We'll find what works for us, and make this lifestyle our own. :)

Has anyone else gone through anything like this before? Where DD or Ds just kind of faded away. No one did anything to mess it up, or to end it, but it just sort of stopped for a while? Were you able to start it back up again?

It's always been hard for me to just let go, and let him take the lead. Usually I end up trying to make things go my way. How I envision it going. This time, I'm letting go. I'm trusting him to be the HOH and to get us where we need to be. I'm anxious, and excited, to see what happens. :)

I'm also going to try my hardest to get back into regular blogging. I really miss reading everyones blogs and seeing how everyone is doing. Going to catch up on that right now!

I also saw that it's almost LoL day!!! Yay! I'm happy that I came back to blogland in time for that. I can't wait. :) All you lurkers out there, get ready with some questions or comments - I'll try to think of something to make it fun!

Submissive, cheeky, playful - you pick!

Do you ever find yourself in that type of mood when you want some sort of change?

It could be a new hair color, a new hair cut, or even just a new pair of boots?

Wellll I'm kind of in that mood lately, and I'll most likely be dying my hair soon, but I figured why not change something else as well... maybe the name of my blog?

Red Bottoms and TTWD was something that I came up with fairly quickly when I made the blog and because I couldn't think of much else, I figured I'd just go with it. Lately, I've felt like I needed something that suits me more.

I told Colin, but I was sitting there stumped and couldn't think of anything. As I was trying to come up with something, he came up with a few ideas that I thought were actually kind of cute. The only problem is, I'm as indecisive as an HOH with a bucket full of implements, so I can not make up my mind!

This is where you guys come in. I thought I'd list Colin's ideas and see what everyone thinks. It makes it more fun that way. :)

So..here are his ideas, with a little bit of a background on why they might fit me/this blog...


1.) His Reluctant Submissive  (I'm not always the most submissive, submissive.)

2.) His Playful Pet   (I'm always trying to play around - being silly & playing pranks.)

3.) His Cheeky Sub  (I have a bit of a sarcastic personality.)

4.) His Devilishly Good Girl (A good girl with a devilish side. :p)

Soooo - any thoughts? Do you like one more than another? Think one fits me or this blog better than the others? I'd love to hear what you think so I can change it up to something new. :)

And just because I found this picture that I loooove - I thought I'd share... hopefully it'll help with everyones case of the Mondays!

You're going to be my good girl.

Yay, I have time to blog again! AND I even had time to catch up on a bunch of blogs as well!

I've realized a couple of times now, that in blog land, it seems like when one of us is going through something, at least 5 others seem to be going through it as well. Whether it's a tough time, not feeling submissive, or our HOH's being.. super HOHy. I love how it's a place where so many people can relate to each other on so many different obstacles/issues.

Anyway - Colin and I are doing pretty good. He's going to the doctor on Tuesday to discuss surgery options and all that fun stuff, so we will have a plan and a scheduled surgery (or surgeries?) for him soon. Like I said in the last post, it has been very tough when it comes to spanking, or lack of, but he's certainly been making up for it with his HOHy-ness. 

We recently went on a vacation, and it was SO nice to get away and be able to relax a bit. There wasn't much relaxing because there was a huge music festival going on, so we were doing something almost every hour of every day, but it was SO much fun! I had been wanting to talk to him about finding ways to make DD/Ds stay alive while his shoulder was hurting, but I had been holding back because I really wanted HIM to bring it up.

Finally, I realized for the millionth time in our relationship - he is NOT a mind reader. I need to be able to communicate with him and let him know how I feel. So I came up with an idea, and I decided to talk to him about it. I asked him if we could do a maintenance type thing, minus the spanking.

Something where every night before bed, we'd have a little talk. He could tell me what I need to work on, what I've been doing good on, etc. He seemed to really like the idea, and all of a sudden he chimed in with a bunch of things to add to our nightly talk. 

"Sure we can do that. I think it'll be very helpful for both of us....BUT there will be times when you're over my knee for this discussion. When you're not over my knee, there will be eye contact during the discussion. No looking down, or looking away."

Oh boy. What did I get myself into? The whole eye contact thing drives me craaazy. Instantly makes me feel submissive, vulnerable, and extremely cared for all at the same time. There are also certain phrases/words he says, that kind of make me instantly melt. A few times he's said, "You're going to be my good girl, that I know you can be, right?" I swear I must blush every time he says that! Especially when he adds in at the end, "Or else you can expect there to be consequences." Yikes! 

So we started that night, which was last Saturday or Sunday, and we've had a nightly chat every night so far. He also asks for my feedback and always asks if there's anything I'd like to add to the conversation. It has been such a huge relief to have these talks, because it really has helped me stay submissive. I think it's been good for him as well - he seems to really like it every night. I love it for the most part - other than the times it turns into more of a lecture than a discussion! But in all honesty, I look forward to that time of the night - every night. :)

He's also mentioned wanting me to start doing submissive exercises more often. He's been doing some research and trying to find ideas that will work for us. 

The thing is,he's been working a minimum of 10 hour days, usually 12 or 14, and since he's not home until night time, he wants to find ideas that will work for when I'm by myself. That's where it get's tricky.

I'm going to do some research and see what I can come up with, and I thought I'd do a post on it next time I write. In the meantime, I was wondering if anyone has any suggestions? 

Anything you have tried or have heard of others trying for when the submissive isn't with the Dominant? Some kind of submissive exercise, or tasks/assignments? Would love to get some thoughts, and then add it to the post when I make one!

Oh and one more thing to add - because I'm superrrrrrrrr ecstatic about it..... In a little less than 2 weeks we'll be taking a road trip and spending the weekend with 5 other DD couples!!!! FIVE! That means 6 Tihs, and 6 HOHs! I can't even imagine what it's going to be like, but I'm counting down the days! 

Hope everyone has a great weekend! 

When Spanking Isn't an Option.

Hi everyone!

I know this is probably the hundredth time I've said this in the past few months - but yes, I've been MIA from blog land once again. I swear I always tell myself I'm going to start keeping up with it like I used to, but it's SO hard lately. Mainly because I have NO time, but also because I've had no clue what to write about.

Anyway, I'm back .. for now. I can't say updates will be all the time, but I really am hoping to get on here more often. I really miss reading everyones blogs - and after I write this entry, I'll be catching up to see how everyone is doing. :)

So as for Colin and I? Well, it's been rocky to say the least. We haven't been bad, or in a negative place, or anything like that. But I certainly can't say DD has been easy these past few months.

I've mentioned Colin's shoulder issues before, but it's been worse than ever lately. It bothers him pretty much 24/7 and it's been difficult to find out what's wrong with it, and how to treat it.

Good news is, he finally got a diagnosis. Well two actually. He has carpal tunnel in his wrist, and he has a an abnormally large bone spur in his shoulder.

Bad news? It requires two surgeries, and a good amount of recovery time - as well as wearing a sling for about a month. I'm so so so SO thrilled for him, because other doctors have told us there was nothing they could see on xrays, mris, etc - so he had no relief, no way of helping the pain or anything. Now, he finally knows it's not all in his head, there is an actual problem, and a way of fixing it! I'll be so happy for him once it's all done, and the pain isn't bothering him all the time.

It'll be hard though, because it's his dominant hand/arm that will be getting the surgery. His job requires heavy lifting most of the time so he may have to take some time off of work, it will be hard financially, he won't be able to drive for a little bit, oh and not to mention it's his spanking arm. :p


You would think I'd be celebrating that his spanking arm will be out of commission for about a month, but really I'm praying it doesn't send us/DD spiraling backwards a million steps. He's tried using his other arm a couple times, and it's okay - but it doesn't totally do the trick. Before he gets the surgery, there will be times his arm feels okay and he's able to do those quick, yet very hard type of spankings, so that's a plus (I think?) But those long, drawn out spankings that, yes I admit, I do need from time to time, aren't going to be happening for a while.

We know there are non spanking punishments out there as well, but for some reason there's a consistency issue with those type of punishments. Well, there hasn't been lately, that's for sure. Especially when it comes to lecturing and calling me out on not following the rules. But there are times when he doesn't pay as much as attention to things as I'd like/need.

It's not that he doesn't care enough or anything like that, but he works like crazy, he's always got a million things on his mind, and of course, sometimes it's just hard to be consistent. Life likes to get in the way.

I think we're both going to have to give and take a bit. He's going to have to try and be extra consistent with non spanking punishments, and I'm going to have to be extra submissive when he dishes out those punishments. I'm also going to have to be patient and just realize that just because things may be different for a month or so, it doesn't mean we will take steps backwards or lose DD completely.

I've mentioned in this blog previously, that before Colin - I had been spanked by a couple of other people. Colin actually suggested talking to those people and seeing if someone would be able to 'help out' if there's ever a time that nothing besides a good old fashioned spanking will do the trick. I wasn't sure if I was going to mention that here or not, because I know some people would think that was absolutely crazy, and I get that. But, what is this blog for, if not to be honest and open and just kind of get my thoughts into words on a screen. I go back and forth on that option, but if it was a person I trusted, purely platonic discipline, and Colin was all for it - especially if it'd make things a little easier, then I guess why not at least be open to it.

We'll see.

On the plus side, as a couple, we've been great. We've been playful and silly together a lot recently, and that really is my favorite thing about Colin - that we can be goofy together. Wrestling, laughing, just loving each other. I'm so thankful for him - bad shoulder or not. ;)

I do have to say, he has been pretty HOHy lately. I was out with a friend the other night and we were talking and talking and talking. I noticed a couple texts/calls from Colin, but didn't want to interrupt our conversation to respond. (Stupid, I know!) About an hour later, when I finally called him - he wasn't too happy. I got quite the lecture on how he was so nervous, wondering if I was okay. How I NEED to check in during times like that. He told me he understands that sometimes conversations can go on and on, but it's not too hard to send a quick text and let him know I'm okay so he doesn't continue to worry. I also got one of those quick, but pretty darn hard type spankings. I didn't think 24 swats accompanied by a lecture where I was made to keep eye contact, would be as effective as it was! Let's just say I'll make sure to text him back or answer his phone call right away next time!

Have any of you ever had to deal with the HOH having some sort of injury where spanking just wasn't an option? If so, any suggestions? They'd be very much appreciated by both of us. :)

So that's about it for now.. I'm sorry this post was kind of all over the place, and a bunch of rambling, but I think I just really needed to write. I have/had a lot of thoughts in my head, and I just needed a place to .. get it all out. :)

Hopefully the next post will be less rambling!

Miss hearing from everyone & hope everyone is doing well!

My HOH is back & The Fantasy Box!

I don't want to speak too soon, but I really think DD/TTWD is back on track. Or at least on it's way to being back on track!

We had a pretty big slump, and for a while, we just couldn't figure out how to get back into the swing of things. We both wanted DD to continue, but it had taken a backseat for so long and it was hard to start it back up.

I think I was just over thinking it. This weekend we had a little mini vacation and went skiing a couple hours away from home. On the car ride there we started talking a bit about DD, TTWD, spanking, D/s, etc - and I was feeling discouraged because the conversation was just turning into argument after argument. We just couldn't seem to agree on anything.

I was feeling extra vulnerable, and extra emotional, and I really needed him to be extra hoh-y. I remember him saying something that pissed me off, and rather than talking to him respectfully, I just snapped. Yelled at him, told him I was done with the conversation, and proceeded to look out the window, not looking forward to this little mini vacation anymore.

A few minutes later, he said something about how I need to respect him, not talk to him the way I did, etc. It really got to me, and I started thinking about WHY I snapped at him, rather than trying to work it out. I realized that I knew I was going to get upset and start crying, so rather than letting myself cry and get it all out, I bottled it in and turned to anger instead. I apologized, and explained that to him, and he said if I need to cry .. then cry. Not to keep it in and snap at him instead, because it won't do any good.

He said he wanted to do a submissive Saturday, and that for the rest of the day I was to answer with Sir. Whether it be, yes Sir, no Sir, etc - I was to say Sir when he asked me a question. Every time I forgot, it was going to be 10 spanks with whatever implement he decided to use.

He said it would be a good lesson in respect and would hopefully start getting us back on the right track. Things were starting to look up, and I could feel myself becoming more submissive again.

We ended up having an absolutely amazing weekend. On the drive home, I told him that sometimes I just have these moments where I fall in love with him all over again, and this weekend was one of those times. I just felt so happy, so in love, and finally felt content with TTWD again.

At one point, we were waiting for the shuttle to take us to the mountain and a good amount of people were around us. I did something, I can't remember what, but he gave me 'the look.' The look didn't seem to stop me, so he discreetly grabbed hold of my upper arm, pulled me in close to him, and whispered "Behave," into my ear. I instantly turned bright red and stopped doing whatever it was I was doing!

Damn, Mr. Hohy husband is back!

I forgot to say Sir a few times throughout the weekend and on the drive home he let me know it would be taken care of.

"When I say it's time, I don't want any back talk. I want you over my knee, and I want you to submit."
"Yes, Sir."

We relaxed for a bit when we got home, and then he decided it was time for the spanking. He got out the strap, the rose paddle, and the tilt wand thing, and I knew he wasn't playing around.

I was supposed to only get 40 total, but didn't take the spanking quite as well as he liked, so he decided we were going to stop keeping count, and he was going to keep spanking until he decided I learned my lesson.

It wasn't very long, or even very hard, but it seemed to be what we both needed. I mean, I'll admit - I still feel like I need a long, hard, possibly even tears, type of session, but I know it will happen when it needs to.

When he was done, he said, "This really IS a great stress reliever for me. Another reason to do it more often."

Yup, my HOH is back .. and maybe even better than ever. ;)

OH and I wanted to mention something we ordered that I just got in the mail today! I don't know if you guys have ever heard of beauty boxes, like ipsy and birchbox - but basically there are these websites which send out monthly boxes with beauty supplies for a certain amount of money a month. Some are ten, some twenty, etc. Anyway, it's become my new obsession and when I was telling Colin about them, he asked if there was anything like that, but more geared towards adult toys.

I googled it, and sure enough, I came across something called The Fantasy Box. If you're interested, click here and check it out ----> The Fantasy Box.

Basically, it's a box that is delivered once a month, and it has some type of 'fantasy' inside. It comes with a questionnaire for each partner to fill out, and then one person is the leader, other is the follower. Obviously Colin will be the leader for us when we get our fantasy! There are cards for each person with directions on them, and things in the box to fulfill the fantasy on the card. It can be anything from a sweet massage, to a fun kinky kind of session. I'll include a picture of our first box that I just opened!

My first impression is overall a good one! I didn't read the instructions on the "Leader" card, because that's for Colin to read - and for me not to find out about until he gives me the instructions. ;) The instructions on my card (the follower card) tell me to put on the blindfold, get dressed (I'm assuming in that outfit) and wait wherever the leader tells me to wait. Sounds interesting! The little things in the picture that you can't quite make out, are a little vibrator thing, a massage candle, and some lube. I'm not a big fan of the lingerie - it's a weird style, but I'll be wearing it anyway for Colin. I have to say, it looks like SO much fun, and I'm really excited to try it out. Anyway, just thought I'd share the info for anyone who might be interested!

Another thing I'm super excited for - Colin got us tickets to go see the show "Spank! The Fifty Shades Parody," for this Friday night! I have no idea what to expect, but I'm hoping it's funny! I have a feeling it will be. :)

Can't wait to catch up on blogs! I'm sorry I haven't been around much - I had just been really down and took a break from the blogs for a bit. I really miss everyone, and can't wait to see how everyone is doing!

Spankings, and questions and answers oh my!

Ok so the title of this post might be a little misleading. No, there haven't been any spankings lately. Not yet anyway.

You can thank mother nature, and stress for that!

First, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. I got such great advice, lots of hugs and good thoughts and it really made me happy to see how people really care. :) You guys are great and I'm so thankful/lucky that I started blogging and got to 'meet' so many awesome people! So thanks again.

We're doing a bit better since that last post, thankfully! Like I said, mother nature and stress still want to intrude, but we're getting there!

My dog has been on his antibiotics and he seems to be feeling much better! He is old, and I don't expect him to live forever, unfortunately - but it's nice to see him happy for what time he does has left.

We got the new apartment! Yay, yay, yay, and YAY!!!! We should officially be moved in and living there as of this weekend! I'm so happy about that.

We had a looooong talk, which turned into a looooong argument, and then another looooong talk about DD/Ds. Needless to say, it was draining. I kind of broke down a bit a lot, and told him I really didn't want to do this anymore. I was serious too. I just felt like I could never get back into that headspace, and even thinking about him being Dominant, made me want to fight. I wanted nothing to do with it, and I really thought I was done. We talked a lot, he said he didn't think that was the right decision, and that it was going to take some time, but we'd get back on track. One thing that really struck me was this:

Me: I can't do it, I just don't want it anymore.
Colin: Kenz, you need this. I need this. We need this.

Found this on google. Love the quote, and the picture. 

I was shocked at that. I half expected him to agree with me and say we should take a break from TTWD, but he really pushed for it to continue and mentioned multiple times how he needed it. This coming from the man I never thought could be Dominant, or would want anything to do with a DD relationship. That alone, helped me get back into the mind frame. Just a little bit though.

We found this app on our phones, that we can both access even when he's at work, or we're not together. Basically it's a to do list and he can add things from his phone, and then I'll be alerted that there's something added to the list. He added about 8 things today, and told me he wanted me to start crossing them off.

He can also see when I cross them off by the way!

I got almost all of it done, and texted him letting him know that, and asked if I could take a break for a bit because I really didn't feel well.

"Good girl. You've been doing a good job. You can do the rest tomorrow, go relax."

He can be such a sweetheart sometimes. ;)

It's nice that something as simple as a little "to-do list" app has really changed my attitude around. I know it's going to be difficult to get back into the swing of things, but I want to get there. I want to try and I want to continue our DD/Ds adventure together.

What's funny is that it's almost our one year DD anniversary! We started January 22nd of 2013, so in a little over a week it'll be a year! We'll be in our new place by then, and it really will be a fresh start!

When it hits that year mark, I'll have a post about some things I learned, and what I want to work on in the next year. I'm going to ask Colin to help me out with that post so you guys can get his point of view on things as well.

So this is where I need your guys help! I was wondering if you could comment or email me at ddcouple26@gmail.com with some questions for me to answer. Well for me to answer, for Colin to answer, of for both of us to answer together. I'd love to include some questions from you guys when I write about our one year mark. I thought that could be a cool way to blog about it. :)

So pleaseeee leave a comment, or shoot me an email with a question for either of us, or both of us.

It could be DD related, Ds related, Spanking related, Vanilla related, you name it!

We're both pretty open people, so don't hold back. Ask away. :) I think it'll be fun!

I'm not too sure about the creepy questions though. ;)

Hope everyones doing well, and thanks again for the comments on the last post. You guys are awesome!

Not one spanking, not two spankings, FIVE spankings?!

Sometimes I wonder where my sweet non-Hohy husband went, and wonder why in the world I created this monster!

Just kidding. He's not a monster, and I wouldn't trade his Hohy-ness for anything in the world, but when I'm being spanked, in that moment it's hard to appreciate the Hohy-ness.

The other night I was driving with Colin in the car, and he noticed my gas light was on. He told me I should pull over and get gas, but I was so tired I just wanted to get home. I asked him if I could just wait until the morning.

Well .. the morning came, and I was rushing around. I kinda, sorta, maybe .. forgot to get gas. Whoops.

I tend to usually fill up my tank at the last possible minute, because I know that even once the light comes on, you still have about 30 miles in the reserve. Well this time I waited wayyy too long. I was driving home with a friend and all of a sudden, in the middle of a main road, my car started turning off. Thankfully I was right next to an empty parking lot, and was able to pull over. I tried starting the car again, and it just would not start.

Right away, I knew I was toast. I reallllyyy didn't want to call Colin, but I didn't know what else to do.

I texted some DD friends to try to put my mind at ease, but that didn't happen. :p It went something along the lines of:

Me: Hey guys - um, if a car runs out of gas .. does it just not start?
Friends: Yea, it wouldn't start if you ran out .. did you run out of gas?
Me: Explained my situation to them
Friends: You are in trouble!

I saw my Tih friends, turn into mini Hohs in that moment! ;) I know it's because they care, so I thought it was sweet! I did tell them I was going to run away and they could take turns hiding me, but of course the other Hohs would have very quickly called Colin up and I wouldn't get very far. ;)

So I bit the bullet, after trying the car a few more times, and called Colin up. He left work to come help me, and when we were on the phone we were talking about why it could have just died like that.

"Did you put gas in it today?"
"Oh uh .. Yea. I don't know what it could be. It's not the gas."

*Insert foot into mouth.. quickly!*

After I said that, I immediately regretted it. I knew I was going to be in trouble for breaking two of the D's; Dangerous and Disobedience, and now I just added lying to that list. Can you say CRAP?!

It was getting colder and colder, because where we live it's freezing this time of the year! I also knew I had to tell him about the gas before he got to me, so he could stop at the gas station and bring me some gas.

"Hun .. um, I actually think it is the gas."
"How could it be the gas. You told me you put gas in it this morning."
"Uh .. not exactly."

*Insert long lecture about how could I lie to him, and how irresponsible it was not to get gas and ALWAYS be waiting until last minute.* Ok ok, I got that point!

Fortunately/Unfortunately my friend couldn't hear him on the phone, so he had free range to lecture away. When he pulled up he gave me that look, and kinda clapped his hands together and then wiggled his hand around. It's a little sign he likes to do in public to let me know what's going to happen when we're alone.

He's even said a few times, "My hand keeps twitching." Ugh!

So he put the gas in my car, and we drove home. My friend stayed over for a couple nights so we didn't have any alone time until Sunday.

Over the weekend she was in the other room doing something, and he was standing in the kitchen. He pointed for me to come stand in front of him and decided to do a little bit more lecturing. Of course he made sure he was quiet, but he made his point. I was in for it!

So Sunday night, I was finally able to hear what he had decided on for punishment.

"Monday night through Friday night you will be getting some sort of spanking. Some could be long, some could be short, but you WILL be getting some sort of spanking each night. There will also be other punishments such as corner time, kneeling, and writing an essay."

"What?! Are you serious? Why?!"

"Do you want to try that again?"

"....I meant, Yes, Sir."

"Good girl."

I don't know where Mr. Hohy came from, but I have a feeling he is here to stay. Help me!

So last night was the first day of the punishment, and it was one of the shorter ones, but it certainly wasn't a walk in the park!

He used his new favorite implement, the paddle I won from Blondie's Place. Let me just say that if you're looking for an implement that looks adorable, but can be a seriously effective implement, go for the pocket paddle from Blondies Place on Etsy. As much as I hate hate HATE that implement when it's being used for punishment, I also have to give it major props for being so effective. After all, I signed up for punishment spankings, so as much as I hate them when they're happening, I do appreciate the effective implements. Colin appreciates them wayyyyyy more than I do, especially this little paddle!

During the punishment, I learned that bending over, hands on bed, body off of bed (if that makes sense?) makes the spanking hurt a whole lot more than just lying flat on the bed. I have no idea why, but it makes a serious difference! It also makes it harder to kick your feet up, especially when he decides to put his arm around your waist and hold you in place... yikes!

The aftercare was very sweet though. I also learned that I pretty much melt when he calls me, his good little girl. He had never called me that before. He has said good girl before, but there's something different about hearing him say, "You're my good little girl." I went to bed with a smile on my face.

Before the punishment, he came up to me with both hands behind his back, and told me to pick a hand. I got all excited because I thought maybe he was giving me an early Christmas present or something, but when I picked a hand and it was empty, I was confused.

He pulled out the other hand from behind his back, which was holding a candy cane.

He laughed and said, "6 strokes of the cane it is."

WHAT?! Not fair! I didn't know that's what we were doing? I call for a redo. Of course I didn't get the redo and I got 6 with the cane. I've been on the naughty list, picked the cane instead of the candy cane, what's next? I'm supposed to get the fun choices from the Advent Calendar. ;)

Did you guys do the candy cane vs cane activity? If you did, I hope you all picked the candy cane and no one else got the actual cane!

I'm excited for tonights activity. Ice and hot wax... hmmm. I'm trying to focus on that rather than the fact that tonight is ALSO punishment night number two. We've also missed out on a few of the activities because of his work schedule, so I'm hoping we'll be able to catch up on some of them sometime soon!

Going back to the whole, Good Girl, thing .. Do you guys have a favorite thing to be called by your Hoh/Dom, or a favorite phrase they use? I'd love to hear what you have to say! :)

How to bring up Spanking/Domestic Discipline: Round Table Discussion

I'm so excited to be taking part in a Round Table Discussion. A friend/fellow blogger Katherine Deane told me about the Discussions and urged me to take part. I went and checked it out, and it looked like a lot of fun, so I figured, why not?

You can read all about Round Table Discussions over at the host blog, Spanking Romance and maybe even sign up for a future discussion! I also want to thank Corinne Alexander for hosting this topic.

There are sooo many things I could sit here and discuss that pertain to DD, but I figured I'd try and focus on one main topic. This topic is something I've had lots of experience in, so I'm going to write about bringing up DD to your partner.

When I brought this up to my husband, I had the perfect vision of how DD would go in my mind. I thought once I finally talked to him, It'd be exactly as I'd envisioned. Exactly like the videos I had watched, and the stories I had read. Even though I thought it COULD be this little dream world once I told him, I couldn't bring myself to tell him for the longest time.

Spanking was something I had been interested in for as long as I can remember. I'd see the word in a book, or hear someone mention it a sentence and I'd just get that .. feeling. Even before I could really understand it, I felt it. I knew it was something that intrigued me.

Fast forward a few years, and towards the end of high school, I began a relationship with my now husband. He didn't strike me as the dominant type. In fact, he was quite the opposite. He was sweet, he was caring, he was a total teddy bear. I love that side of him, and I wouldn't want a relationship if that side didn't exist, but I also craved that Dominance.

I knew he had a bit of a kinky side to him, so I thought maybe I could bring up spanking as foreplay and see how he reacted. I remember suggesting we should share a fantasy or two, and of course he agreed. I started off by mentioning handcuffs, and being tied up. Then I slowly but surely worked my way up to telling him that I thought spanking was interesting. He seemed to like the idea, and we dabbled in spanking here and there. Nothing serious, but a few smacks while making out, or something like that.

It was fun and all, but there was still something missing. I thought I was crazy and ridiculous for being interested in spanking as a method of discipline, and I thought for sure, that if I told him, he'd think I was insane. I didn't think I was normal, how could HE think I was normal? I thought it was so strange that essentially, I wanted him to take control and punish me when necessary. Spankings, lecturing, corner time, etc. I wanted all of that, but I had no idea why. How could I expect him to understand it, if I didn't even understand it?

So, I kept it in. I decided it was better if he didn't know about my "weird little interest." That didn't make that interest go away though. I did what a lot of us did, and did searches, went into chats, read stories, etc. I wanted to talk to other people who understood the discipline aspect of spanking for an adult. I thought maybe I could find it elsewhere, after all in my mind at the time, the type of spanking I wanted, wasn't sexual, so would it really be wrong? I mean, it wouldn't really be cheating .. right?

Well, it's not something I'm at all proud of, but I couldn't go any longer without feeling what a real discipline spanking would feel like. I had been talking to a couple local people for a while, and ended up meeting up with a couple of them throughout a year or so. Nothing sexual ever occured, in fact I had to talk to quite a few people until I found ones who agreed with me. Agreed that it COULD just be discipline. Yes, there's that sexual aspect in the first place, or else why would it be appealing? BUT it could happen without being a sexual encounter, or for sexual reasons. I was dating Colin at the time, but we weren't exactly .. serious. I mean, we were in a committed relationship, but it hadn't been a relationship that I knew was going to turn into marriage or anything like that. Again, I'm not proud of what I did, but I am proud of myself for being honest with him eventually. If any reader wants to judge me for that, I understand, but I do hope that you don't.

The point of me blogging about this, is that maybe someday someone will read this post. Maybe they'll be searching for ways of how to tell their partner. Maybe they'll be on the fence about telling them. Maybe after they see that once I opened up to him, and told him all about it, we finally got to such a good place in DD, maybe they'll decide that they CAN talk to their partners about this.

Just because someone wasn't googling spanking at a young age, or trying to understand why they were drawn to spanking, doesn't mean that they can't understand the need for spanking. I'm so thankful that I have a husband who DID understand. So trust me when I say, it can happen. Yes, there is the flip side, and there are those who won't be understanding, but you're not going to know until you try. I know it's cliche, but I strongly believe that honesty IS the best policy.

Maybe now you're thinking, "Wow I really do want to tell my partner about this .. but .. how do I?"

There are so many ways. Maybe start off slowly. Say you came across an article about domestic discipline, and ask for his/her views on the subject. Start talking about your fantasies, and show them a link to a video or story you like. Write a letter to them, and ask them to open it in private. Email them.

You have to find a way that works for you. If you know your partner well, you'll know what method of communication is best for them.

Do they like face to face conversations? If so, ask if you can sit down and talk. Ask if you can get everything out there, without them interrupting. Say you need to get a lot off your chest, and then you'd love to hear what they had to think.

Are they the type the need time to process things before having a conversation? If so, write a letter or an email. Sit down and really analyze how YOU feel about DD. What are the benefits of it? What do you think it can help in your relationship? Write that down, and explain it to them in a letter. Say that when they've read through, and processed, you'd love to hear what they think.

If you do decide to bring this up to your partner, have an open mind. Reality isn't the videos you watch, or the stories you read. Reality isn't anyone else's DD relationship. The reality is, it's not going to be a fairy tale. Yes, you'll have times that you feel like you're more in love than anyone else on this planet. There will be times you feel like you're walking on cloud nine. There will be AMAZING times that you're closer with your partner than you ever thought imaginable.

BUT - there will also be times you simply want to give up on DD. There will be times you wonder why the hell you ever brought it up. There will be times you wonder if the Hoh can really step up to the plate like you need them to. There will be times that you wonder if you, as the submissive partner, can really truly submit. Heck, there will be times a belt or paddle is coming down on your bottom, and you can't sit the next day. But honestly? If it's meant to be, it's worth it. It really is.

Maybe it will work out, and maybe it wont. Maybe they'll be open to trying DD, and maybe they won't. Like I said before, you won't know unless you try. There are other avenues, yes, and there are plenty of other situations out there. What's right for you, is right for you. Some people need to get the need met outside of their relationship, and I'm not the type to judge. To each their own, if it works for you, good for you. I'm just explaining my situation, and my opinion of bringing up DD to your partner.

Bottom line? Find what works for you. Think hard about what YOU want/need out of DD, and try to find the best way to get that need met. If you decide to bring this up to your partner, I wish you the best of luck and you're seriously strong, and brave, for even thinking about it. ;)

For those who are in a DD relationship, what did you find was the best way to bring it up to your partner? Or if your partner brought it up to you, what way got you to listen/understand? Id love to hear from everyone!


Make sure to check out the other bloggers posts about this Round Table Discussions Topic: Domestic Discipline. :)

DD weekend & Punishment Positions?

Things have been pretty stressful lately between Colin's work schedule and a couple possibly scary health things going on with me, so it was so nice to have the weekend we just had and get our minds off of things for a little bit. We met up with two other DD couples the other day/night and had such a great time.

One of the couples we had met once before, and one of the couples we met for the first time. As much as I get embarrassed when Colin brings up spanking stuff in front of people, it can also be so nice to be around people and not have to worry about what you say. People who don't look at you like you're insane, when your husband puts a paddle on the table in the middle of the room, that he brought "just in case."  

No, the paddle did not have to be put to use. You guys should know by now, that I am a perfectly well behaved, very obedient, angel. 

Hey now! No making that face! I swear I'm an angel .. most of the time. ;)

It was a quick visit, wish it was longer, but it was lots of fun!

Now we're back to reality. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, and I'm really hoping that I'll find out I've been worrying about nothing, so keep your fingers crossed please?

We've been slacking a bit on the Advent Calendar, but depending on what time Colin gets home from work tonight, we plan on catching up on a couple that we missed. I also have a little minor punishment coming up, for not listening to a few things. Not looking forward to that, but thankfully it's nothing major, so I'm hoping it won't be that bad. 

How about you guys, are you enjoying the Advent Calendar activities? I hope so! I'm curious as to how many were on the naughty list, and how many were on the nice list. Take one guess which list I was on. Nope, not the nice list. I say Colin was just grumpy that day and I should have been on the nice list! 

Hope everyone is having fun and not stressing out too much over the holidays. I can't believe Christmas is so soon, and I still have yet to start Christmas shopping. I'm a huge procrastinator when it comes to that, but I plan on getting a lot of it done online, so in order for the stuff to be delivered on time, I probably should get moving on that!

Even though we've been busy lately, It's nice to say that I can still tell DD is very much .. there.

I had a quick spanking the other night, and Colin told me to, "Get into position." I just looked at him with this blank look. Uhhh what? What position? How do I know which position you're talking about??

He came back with, "You're right. We need to number the positions. This way when I tell you I want you in position 4, you'll know what to do. Oh by the way, I will be quizzing you on the positions."

I was seriously shocked at that statement. Let me remind you, I never thought this man could be Dominant. I thought that if it wasn't something you were naturally interested in, you couldn't .. learn it. Well, I'm pretty sure it's always been there in him and I just never realized it, because it's been coming out a lot lately!

Crap. I just realized I don't remember the positions by the numbers.. oops. I do know it consists of 6 positions:

• Lying flat on the bed
• Hands on bed & feet on floor
• Kneeling
• On hands and knees
• Standing, hands on head
• UH-OH.

I can't remember the last position. He only brought this up a few days ago, so hopefully I'll just get a nice little VERBAL reminder. We also ordered a new paddle from leatherthorn. It looks really cute, but I've heard it can be quite the implement, so we'll see.

Other than that, I don't have much to report. Just wanted to check in, and say hi! :) I'll leave you with this picture I found while browsing the internet. Enjoy. ;)

LOL Day Follow-up & MmHmmmm

First off, I have to mention LOL Day - All I can say is WOW! I never thought in a million years, I'd get that many comments. That was so cool! I got to hear from old friends, current friends, and make some new ones! I have some new blogs to follow, and I got to hear from a few lurkers who will hopefully have their own blogs sometime soon. :)

Oh, plus I won a prize from Rogue, at rougesawakening, and it'll be so exciting to get it! Yay. Thanks to both her, and Blondie who donated the prize. :)

I'm so sorry I haven't responded to the comments on my LOL post yet, I promise I will asap! I've been out of town due to both a family emergency, and also a really great DD friends meet up.

We just got back in this morning, and I was so excited to write a new blog post, as well as catch up on everyone else's blog! I will be doing that asap as well.

So a big thanks to everyone who commented on LOL Day, and a big thanks to Bonnie for coming up with such a fun event! Oh, and not to mention, I had to pick 6 slips from the naughty jar. YIKES! I actually got lucky and pulled a "No spanking" card for one of them, but ended up being a bit mouthy, so mean ole' Colin made me put that one back and pick another one. I vote no fair on that! ;)

We didn't have time to do the spanking when we were on our trip, but he said it will happen this week depending on his work schedule. Here's a preview of the slips that were chosen. 

As you can see, I'm in for quite a spanking! Eeek. Some of the slips we chose say to recite a line, such as, "I'm sorry, i'll be good," or something like that. We both agreed that since it wasn't a punishment type thing, he'll just have me count the ones that pertain to misbehaving. Once the spanking takes place, I'll be sure to update you guys, as well as providing the pic that was promised. :P

Now on to another topic, which I've been SOOO excited to write about...Colin and I had the awesome opportunity to meet/spend time with 3 other DD couples over this past weekend. I could probably write three blog entries about it, so I'll try to keep in short and sweet, but I can't promise anything. ;)

I was soooo nervous on the way there, and as we got to the parking lot I started freaking out a bit. I can be really shy at first, so I didn't want that to come across as bitchy or rude, and I just really hoped they'd like both Colin, and myself. We get to the door, and as i'm mid sentence, telling Colin how nervous I was, the three girls swung open the door and greeted us with big hugs! We went inside, met everyone, and sat down for a couple drinks. 

We met Cat/Alec, Honey/Lee, and I'm not sure if the other couple wants to be named, so I'll just say another awesome couple. Let me know if you want me to say who. :)

I was a bit shy, but I think we clicked right away. The guys all seemed like sweet, friendly, teddy bears. (Sorry guys. ;) I also saw a bit of their HOHy sides as well though,) and the girls were all sweeter than I could have ever imagined! We hung out for a couple hours, and then Colin and I had somewhere we had to be for a bit, and then we met up with them later that night. We stayed up for a while talking, the guys cracking some HOH type jokes, and the girls just looking at each other like we all knew it was coming. We talked about both vanilla things, and some DD things, and it was just so much fun. I don't think any of us wanted the night to end, but we were all pretty exhausted. 

When we got to our hotel room, I was so tired, and I was being a little bratty with Colin. Well, of course he decided to take care of that, even though one of the other couples was staying directly beneath us. Thankfully, I don't think they heard anything, but the next morning at breakfast, he made sure to subtly say how we had something we had to take care of last night before bed. Thanks babe. ;) Not only that, but he had me walk away from the breakfast table, and go to the bathroom to put on some cap cream. No one knew until I told them later that day, so I was glad Colin was nice enough to be discreet about it. 

Prior to this, a few of us were outside, and Colin walked to the car to get the cap cream. He came back, I gave him a look, and he responded with, "Mmhmmm." Just that one word, but he had the biggest grin on his face, so everyone knew what that Mhmmm meant, and just started cracking up. It soon became a saying we all heard multiple times. Pretty sure it's all of the guys new favorite sayings.

Only thing I'd change is that we didn't have enough time to spend together. We had to leave after breakfast, and I hated saying goodbye. After lots of hugs, we went our separate ways, but Colin and I couldn't stop talking about how much fun we had. 

I think it's definitely the beginning of long lasting friendships. We get to see one of the couples again in a couple of weeks, plus another couple I'm so excited to meet! Hopefully we'll be able to all get together again, and won't have to wait to long.

See, I could go on talking about it for... forever, but I'll wrap it up now. Can't wait to catch up on blogs, and thanks to everyone again for all the LOL Day comments. :) You guys are the best! 

OTK Discussions

Once again, it's been a little while since i've been able to write a post, and I hate being away from the blog for so long, but i'm back. :)

I also promise to catch up on reading and commenting asap! I'm sorry i've been mia with that stuff lately, but i'll be catching up soon!

There isn't too much to report here, things have been so/so I guess you could say. DD and D/s aren't super present right now, but it's also not gone - so, hey, that's a plus!

We've both been pretty busy, and pretty stressed lately, but Colin's been doing a pretty good job at making sure DD is still somewhat there. I'll be honest though, I do wish it was ... MORE there. I've been craving a bit more lately, and I think he knows that. Actually, I think he *might* be craving a bit more too, so i'm just trying to leave it in his hands, and see where he takes us.

We had our one year wedding anniversary a couple weeks ago, and it was so sweet. He surprised me with a hotel room, which had a trail of flower petals (the flower petals that were used in the wedding) on the floor, and on the bed. Plus, he went to the same bakery where we got our wedding cake, and got a mini cake, same flavor and all. It was VERY sweet. Right when you think you can never love someone more than you already do, you end up loving them even more. It was definitely a great night.

Aside from that, in the beginning of DD, we were doing maintenance spankings, and then we stopped. Things were so busy, that they'd never happen when they were supposed to, which turned into me getting pissed off, yelling and fighting with him, and it just did no good. We figured it'd be best to just stop it, so we didn't have to deal with the disappointment. Well, it's been a little while since we stopped them, and I talked to him about it recently. I kind of miss it. I miss having that structure, in a sense. We came up with something that he calls, "OTK Discussions." It's kind of like maintenance, but depending on what's gone out in the days leading up to it, it could be something as simple as me laying over his lap, and us just talking. He decided that we'd have one of these, "discussions," every Wednesday, but also whenever he feels it's necessary.

Tonight is supposed to be our first one, but he's still at work and probably won't be home until at least 8 o clock, if not later. I have a feeling it might be put on the back burner, but i'm not sure.

Part of me is so tired and just.. blah feeling today, that I really could care less if it doesn't happen. I kind of think I'd be relieved in a way. The other part of me is saying, "No, it needs to happen. You just feel this way because DD has, once again, taken a back seat."

I don't blame him for the fact that it's not how we'd both like it to be right now, but sometimes I feel like it's not made a priority when it could/should be. It's fine to be too tired from work, or just too stressed once in a while, but personally, I feel like sometimes if he's too tired, he should say, "Oh well, too bad. This is important and I need to MAKE it important."

I don't know, my mind is kind of all over the place right now, as is this blog post. Sorry about that.

I'm trying to just let go and see what happens, but i'm all sorts of confused.

Like I said, I think the fact that it hasn't been great lately, is almost getting me to expect the let down. Again, I want to stress that i'm not mad at Colin for this. I understand shit happens, but I guess i'd appreciate it, if it were made a priority.. just sometimes!

He still is very HOHy at times though. For example, he's been on my butt about saying Sir, a lot more than he used to be. Also, we were out this weekend, at a public event, and he told me he wanted me to leave my hands on my thighs. If I had an itch, or if my phone rang, or if I needed to move my hands, I had to quietly ask him. I thought it might be silly at first, but it really got me to think about being submissive and listening to him. Something so little, turned into a pretty good lesson in submission. Later on in the day, it got to the point where I was doing something, maybe being a bit feisty, and he's just give me that look and put his hand on his thigh. I automatically knew he wanted my hands on my thighs, and I put them there without a thought. It was an interesting day.

So like I said, it IS still there. He IS still being HOHy, but the spanking part, the punishment part, and some other parts have been .. lacking. I trust him to make it a priority, i'm just really trying to stay patient.

In other news, and let me stress how unbelievably exited I am about this, Charlie Hunnam is no longer Christian Grey! Yay, I think. Now, i'll admit, I saw a few photos of Charlie and caught myself thinking, "Wow, ok.. I see it. They could totally change him up a bit from the SOA look, and he could be Christian Grey." Especially in this photo.

If you've been reading this blog, you know i'm all for Matt Bomer, so that's where the Yay part comes in. I've seen a few articles that mention Matt being a front runner, now that Charlie is out. I think the fans and the movie makers might not see eye to eye on this, so I won't hold my breath, but I WILL cross my fingers! I also have read that he was offered the part first, but turned it down. No idea if that's credible or what, but I can believe that he would turn down the offer. I think any serious actor would, to be honest. As hot as some of those scenes are in the book, lets face it, the writing is a joke. If the movie is much like the book, it could very easily, turn whoever portrays Christian, into a joke as well.

What do you guys think?

And just because he's total eye candy, I can't let this post be done without a picture of Matt Bomer, now can I?

There's no room in D/s or DD for insecurity!

Surprise Surprise, life has been INSANE once again, and I haven't had much time for blogging. I miss it! I'm sorry I haven't been keeping up with everyones blogs, but right after this post i'm going to spend some time catching up and commenting!

Anyway, Colin and I were talking the other day about some D/s things we want to try. To be honest, there's A LOT I want to explore/experience, as does he. I love when we talk about trying new things, and bring up new interests to each other, but then I get all bummed out, because in reality I know that my insecurities are going to get in the way of trying these new things.

I need to read this daily!

I told him that, and he says over and over again how much he loves my body, and if he didn't, he wouldn't want to try all these things with me. I tried to explain it to him, and mentioned how it'd be easier to write about it, so he gave me a little assignment. Writing a post here, about how insecurities can get in the way of having fun. This is probably going to be one of the harder posts i'll write, but i'm really going to just try and be totally open.

I've had body image issues for as long as I can remember. I went through a few years in high school, when I was in awesome shape. Looking back at those pictures now, all I want is to get back to that point. BUT, during the time those pictures were taken, I didn't like myself at all. I was one of those girls who was wearing a size 4 or 6, and thought I was so fat. I went through some things after high school, and gained some weight, so of course now i'd love to fit into a size 4! Now, i'm by no means 300 pounds or anything like that, but I don't have the body I had then. Not being comfortable with yourself can get in the way in so many areas of life, and it's especially a pain in the ass when it comes to DD/Ds kinda stuff.

I'll be totally candid right now, and say that it really messes up having a good sex life too! I so badly want to please Colin in multiple ways, and I want to have a healthy, exciting, rough & crazy sex life, but sometimes i'm so down in the dumps about myself, that I really lose the drive for those kind of activities. To be completely honest, i'd say it gets in the way more times than not. To put it bluntly, that sucks!

I know some people who read this blog are strictly DD, and not into Ds stuff at all, so i'm trying not to over share, but it's hard to really talk about the issue, without getting into some details. So, if you don't want to here about crops, or spanking on other body parts besides the butt, skip the next paragraph or two. ;)

Ok, so getting down to it! We just ordered some new toys and they should be here pretty soon. Problem is, just because they'll be here soon, doesn't mean we'll use them anytime soon. Why? Well, we have good ole insecurity to blame for that one! We ordered one of those pretty extreme looking "massagers," that are really vibrators, and also a crop, Fifty Shades of Grey style! Thinking about it now, i'm so excited for Colin to use both of those things, but when it comes down to it, I don't think i'll be able to just let go and feel comfortable with myself. We both really want to try ... okay I seriously feel like a little kid right now, but it's so hard to say this.... bare with me .. ahh .. pussy spanking.

Looks fun, doesn't it?

Okay, there I said it! That's why he got the crop. So in my mind, i'm trying to figure out how he can use it, while i'm fully clothed. Or at least semi. Can I keep a shirt on, and maybe some skimpy panties? Can I have on some short shorts? When in reality, I should be comfortable with getting naked and letting him do whatever the hell he wants! I mean, he's not a stranger, we've had sex, he's seen my body, we're freakin' married! He says he loves my body, he certainly wants his hands all over me 24/7, so why can't I just .. let go?! It's certainly a frustrating feeling.

Not only does it mess with the Ds aspect, but it also messes with the DD aspect in certain ways. I crave that feeling of being vulnerable. A bit of that humiliation aspect, being put in my place, and just being .. his. I feel like a good way of showing that, is nakedness. Whether it's corner time, kneeling, or just a spanking. It would certainly make me feel submissive. Yet, I just can't come to terms with that.

I'm really not sure of a solution at this point, but maybe this post will be the first step to figuring it out? I certainly hope so! I want to get to the point where he can tie me up, use the new "massage"/vibe, and leave it there for hours until i'm begging for him to stop. I want to get to the point where he can tell me to strip and kneel. I want to get to the point where i'll do these things, and won't feel insecure doing them! I want to feel comfortable with these pictures becoming reality. *Again, a little more Ds/Sexual than youre used to on this blog, so if you're uncomfortable with that, skip forward a bit.*

 I really want to start getting back into the gym regimen. I'm doing some youth coaching right now, so that's a decent work out, but I want/need more. Colin has tried making a rule where I have to go to the gym 3x a week, but lately there has been so much going on, I literally haven't had the time.

I think from here on out, i'm going to start making the time. Maybe it'd be better to not have a 3x a week rule, but rather a rule where if I have time to sit on my butt at home on the computer, then I should be at the gym! Even if it's just 30 minutes to start with. Just something to start having me feel better about myself. I also need to start eating better. I need to find some good healthy recipes, for both Colin and myself, and making some nice healthy dinners!

It's so easy to say i'll do these things, now I just need to do them!

In the meantime, i'll be dreading/nervously waiting for the doorbell to ring with our new toys. Let's just hope it doesn't take a month to use them.

I know self confidence issues are a common thing, especially for women. I'm thinking maybe the fact that being submissive, opens up a whole new door of emotions/vulnerabilities, adds to it a bit? What do you guys think? Have you had/do you have these kind of issues that get in the way of D/s or DD? How did you work through it? I'd love some advice, I could certainly use it!

Oh, and I found this picture while searching for pics for this entry. Honestly, this is the best/most accurate picture i've ever found! I love it.

This is EXACTLY where I want to get with Colin, and our relationship. Exactly!