How to bring up Spanking/Domestic Discipline: Round Table Discussion

I'm so excited to be taking part in a Round Table Discussion. A friend/fellow blogger Katherine Deane told me about the Discussions and urged me to take part. I went and checked it out, and it looked like a lot of fun, so I figured, why not?

You can read all about Round Table Discussions over at the host blog, Spanking Romance and maybe even sign up for a future discussion! I also want to thank Corinne Alexander for hosting this topic.

There are sooo many things I could sit here and discuss that pertain to DD, but I figured I'd try and focus on one main topic. This topic is something I've had lots of experience in, so I'm going to write about bringing up DD to your partner.

When I brought this up to my husband, I had the perfect vision of how DD would go in my mind. I thought once I finally talked to him, It'd be exactly as I'd envisioned. Exactly like the videos I had watched, and the stories I had read. Even though I thought it COULD be this little dream world once I told him, I couldn't bring myself to tell him for the longest time.

Spanking was something I had been interested in for as long as I can remember. I'd see the word in a book, or hear someone mention it a sentence and I'd just get that .. feeling. Even before I could really understand it, I felt it. I knew it was something that intrigued me.

Fast forward a few years, and towards the end of high school, I began a relationship with my now husband. He didn't strike me as the dominant type. In fact, he was quite the opposite. He was sweet, he was caring, he was a total teddy bear. I love that side of him, and I wouldn't want a relationship if that side didn't exist, but I also craved that Dominance.

I knew he had a bit of a kinky side to him, so I thought maybe I could bring up spanking as foreplay and see how he reacted. I remember suggesting we should share a fantasy or two, and of course he agreed. I started off by mentioning handcuffs, and being tied up. Then I slowly but surely worked my way up to telling him that I thought spanking was interesting. He seemed to like the idea, and we dabbled in spanking here and there. Nothing serious, but a few smacks while making out, or something like that.

It was fun and all, but there was still something missing. I thought I was crazy and ridiculous for being interested in spanking as a method of discipline, and I thought for sure, that if I told him, he'd think I was insane. I didn't think I was normal, how could HE think I was normal? I thought it was so strange that essentially, I wanted him to take control and punish me when necessary. Spankings, lecturing, corner time, etc. I wanted all of that, but I had no idea why. How could I expect him to understand it, if I didn't even understand it?

So, I kept it in. I decided it was better if he didn't know about my "weird little interest." That didn't make that interest go away though. I did what a lot of us did, and did searches, went into chats, read stories, etc. I wanted to talk to other people who understood the discipline aspect of spanking for an adult. I thought maybe I could find it elsewhere, after all in my mind at the time, the type of spanking I wanted, wasn't sexual, so would it really be wrong? I mean, it wouldn't really be cheating .. right?

Well, it's not something I'm at all proud of, but I couldn't go any longer without feeling what a real discipline spanking would feel like. I had been talking to a couple local people for a while, and ended up meeting up with a couple of them throughout a year or so. Nothing sexual ever occured, in fact I had to talk to quite a few people until I found ones who agreed with me. Agreed that it COULD just be discipline. Yes, there's that sexual aspect in the first place, or else why would it be appealing? BUT it could happen without being a sexual encounter, or for sexual reasons. I was dating Colin at the time, but we weren't exactly .. serious. I mean, we were in a committed relationship, but it hadn't been a relationship that I knew was going to turn into marriage or anything like that. Again, I'm not proud of what I did, but I am proud of myself for being honest with him eventually. If any reader wants to judge me for that, I understand, but I do hope that you don't.

The point of me blogging about this, is that maybe someday someone will read this post. Maybe they'll be searching for ways of how to tell their partner. Maybe they'll be on the fence about telling them. Maybe after they see that once I opened up to him, and told him all about it, we finally got to such a good place in DD, maybe they'll decide that they CAN talk to their partners about this.

Just because someone wasn't googling spanking at a young age, or trying to understand why they were drawn to spanking, doesn't mean that they can't understand the need for spanking. I'm so thankful that I have a husband who DID understand. So trust me when I say, it can happen. Yes, there is the flip side, and there are those who won't be understanding, but you're not going to know until you try. I know it's cliche, but I strongly believe that honesty IS the best policy.

Maybe now you're thinking, "Wow I really do want to tell my partner about this .. but .. how do I?"

There are so many ways. Maybe start off slowly. Say you came across an article about domestic discipline, and ask for his/her views on the subject. Start talking about your fantasies, and show them a link to a video or story you like. Write a letter to them, and ask them to open it in private. Email them.

You have to find a way that works for you. If you know your partner well, you'll know what method of communication is best for them.

Do they like face to face conversations? If so, ask if you can sit down and talk. Ask if you can get everything out there, without them interrupting. Say you need to get a lot off your chest, and then you'd love to hear what they had to think.

Are they the type the need time to process things before having a conversation? If so, write a letter or an email. Sit down and really analyze how YOU feel about DD. What are the benefits of it? What do you think it can help in your relationship? Write that down, and explain it to them in a letter. Say that when they've read through, and processed, you'd love to hear what they think.

If you do decide to bring this up to your partner, have an open mind. Reality isn't the videos you watch, or the stories you read. Reality isn't anyone else's DD relationship. The reality is, it's not going to be a fairy tale. Yes, you'll have times that you feel like you're more in love than anyone else on this planet. There will be times you feel like you're walking on cloud nine. There will be AMAZING times that you're closer with your partner than you ever thought imaginable.

BUT - there will also be times you simply want to give up on DD. There will be times you wonder why the hell you ever brought it up. There will be times you wonder if the Hoh can really step up to the plate like you need them to. There will be times that you wonder if you, as the submissive partner, can really truly submit. Heck, there will be times a belt or paddle is coming down on your bottom, and you can't sit the next day. But honestly? If it's meant to be, it's worth it. It really is.

Maybe it will work out, and maybe it wont. Maybe they'll be open to trying DD, and maybe they won't. Like I said before, you won't know unless you try. There are other avenues, yes, and there are plenty of other situations out there. What's right for you, is right for you. Some people need to get the need met outside of their relationship, and I'm not the type to judge. To each their own, if it works for you, good for you. I'm just explaining my situation, and my opinion of bringing up DD to your partner.

Bottom line? Find what works for you. Think hard about what YOU want/need out of DD, and try to find the best way to get that need met. If you decide to bring this up to your partner, I wish you the best of luck and you're seriously strong, and brave, for even thinking about it. ;)

For those who are in a DD relationship, what did you find was the best way to bring it up to your partner? Or if your partner brought it up to you, what way got you to listen/understand? Id love to hear from everyone!


Make sure to check out the other bloggers posts about this Round Table Discussions Topic: Domestic Discipline. :)