Which came first, the Dominance or the submission?

I'm sure most people know the saying, "Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" This topic could probably be debated for hours, without ever being solved. Personally, i'd say the chicken, but if that's what this blog post was about, I doubt i'd keep anyone interested. ;)

Something similar that i've been debating lately, is more along the lines of; Which came first, the Dominance or the submission?

Colin and I have been on a roller coaster ride lately when it comes to TTWD/DD. We've gone through some amazing ups, but we've also been through some not so fun downs. I know this is still new, and it takes a while to really get the hang of it, and get it to where we want it to be, but that doesn't make it any less frustrating.

For those that don't know, I brought this to Colin. Ever since I was pretty young I had an interest in DD. I had an interest in it, before I even knew what it was. Everything about it appealed to me. Being spanked, being held accountable, being lectured, corner time, discipline, I could go on for hours. I researched, I went online, I talked to people on spanking sites, I watched spanking videos, and I read spanking stories. Needless to say, I had a pretty good idea in my head of what I wanted. I had this picture in my mind of the perfect Dominant.

A strong willed, confident, muscular guy. Someone who would bring out the submissive in me with just one simple look. Someone who was naturally a Dominant man.

I didn't picture that guy I had a crush on in high school being *THAT* guy. The adorable, sweet, caring, cuddly guy that I had a crush on for years. He was cute and sexy, and I liked him - but when I pictured this perfect Dominant man, it wasn't the teddy bear that the guy from high school was.

Turns out, I fell madly in love with that sweet teddy bear from high school, and we got married. Thankfully I finally had the courage to bring TTWD/DD up to him, but I also expected him to magically transform into a naturally Dominant, stern, strict ...Christian Grey-ish type.

I get this can't happen over night, and i'm SO lucky that I have a guy who's willing to try. He's willing to research, willing to learn, and willing to take charge.

What does this have to do with my original topic? Ok, maybe it's just one of my ramblings, but eventually it'll all tie in. I promise.

So what about me? Well I wanted to be that perfect submissive. The perfect spankee. Whatever you want to call it. Problem? I'm SO not naturally submissive. It takes a strong dominant type person to bring out that submissive that is hiding verrrryyy deep down. See, it's all starting to tie in now. :)

So now here comes our problem. He needs my submission to gain confidence in his Dominance.

I need his Dominance, to bring out my submission.

Catch 22 much? I'd say so.

So we have one half trying to be Dominant. The other half trying to be submissive. In order to work, and be the best each half can be, they need that 'role' to come out in the other half.

So, which comes first? The Dominance or the submission?

I guess it comes down to the fact that they both need to work together. It's not a matter of which comes first, but more of how to figure out how to work on both of them at the same time.

They both need to be worked on separately, yet at the same time, they need to work together.

Have I managed to confuse anyone yet? I know i'm more confused than I was when I started this post!

Bottom line is, I don't have an answer. It's a work in progress. I'm going to work on my submission. I want to try and find that natural submissive who I know is somewhere in there. On the other hand, he is going to work on bringing out that Dominant that I know is in him. With each others help, as well as working on both sides on our own, we'll get there eventually. We'll figure it out.

Our roller coaster ride is far from over, so rather than stressing over it, and worrying about when the next big hill is, whether it be up or down, i'm going to enjoy the ride. I'm going to enjoy exploring these aspects of each other, and i'm going to try my best to bring out his Dominance, while he tries his best to bring out my Submission.

On a different note, i'm so happy to have found the community of spankos/DDers, whatever you want to call it, that I did. Between this blog, a couple chats, and actually being able to meet Riley, who is also a blogger who practices TTWD, it's been such a great outlet.

I've found people who seem to just know what i'm going through. People who "get it." I've had some great advice, and it's just awesome to have that. Colin's started going into a chat room with me, which I think is great, because knowing how much talking to others has helped me, i'd love it if Colin also had some people to talk to about the struggles of DD.

You don't notice how 'strange' it is to talk about, until youre out in public trying to discuss it. I met up with Riley tonight - and our first meeting place ended up being so crowded that we would have had to have a pretty vanilla convo, so thankfully we came up with another place and were able to pretty openly talk about DD. Of course we still end up whispering certain words, and looking around to make sure no ones listening in our convos, but it's so great to be able to have a DD friend who's local. What's awesome if that we talk about the DD stuff, but we can also talk about the vanilla stuff going on in each others lives. It's a lot different than talking to a non DD friend, that's for sure. Got a pretty good laugh out of the fact that when I ordered my large iced tea, they managed to make it a "Lice grn tea." Doesn't sound very appetizing when they put it that way!

So bottom line, is that yes, we struggle .. A LOT at times, but I count myself lucky. I have a husband who I love with all my heart, who is willing to learn and work at this until we get it right, I have a great outlet, and i've met some pretty cool people who I can talk to about all this craziness. So, why focus on the negative, when there's a lot of positive to look at. :)