Monday, February 10, 2014

When a submissive, doesn't feel submissive.

It's been a little while since I made a post here, and I figured it was about time to update.

I feel like I don't have much to say, which is a big reason I haven't updated lately, but I guess I'll just write and see what happens. :)

Not much is new with us, nothing terribly exciting anyway. To be honest, ttwd is still kind of on the back burner.

Actually, scratch that. I wouldn't necessarily say it's on the back burner, more like in the background.

I know it's still there, I just wish I *felt* it a bit more. Does that make sense?

I don't think either of us are to blame at all, but for some reason it just seems really hard to get back on track. We've talked about it, we've come up with a few ideas, but it's still not the same as where it was, or where I'd like it to be.

If I had to pinpoint a reason or two for why I don't think things are running smoothly lately, I'd attribute it to two things.


  1. Consistency is lacking a bit.
  2. I'm just not feeling submissive.
With the whole consistency thing, it's hard to put into words what I mean by that. It's not that Colin isn't being consistent, because he is. For example, that damn list app thingy. He texted me this morning, telling me to check the list when I got up, and cross off the items on that list.

Drink water, go to the gym, and make his lunch for tomorrow. Nothing too difficult. I drank a good amount of water, will make his lunch before bed, but I didn't get to the gym. I just didn't have time today between work and not feeling well.

So anyway, he texted me a little earlier and asked how I made out on the list.

I told him I drank the water, would make his lunch before bed, but didn't get to the gym.

He replied with, "Good girl. Just remember gym is 3x a week."

So he's checking up on me, making sure I'm doing what I should, so yes when it comes to that sort of consistency, I couldn't ask for anything more from him.

I guess the consistency I feel is lacking, comes more from the little things.

He's been telling me a lot lately to stop rolling my eyes. I'm an eye roller, so this is not an easy habit to break! I do it a lot! Well he'll notice me rolling my eyes, but won't say anything.

I don't expect the man to flip me over his knee every time I roll my eyes, but if it's something he wants me working on, why isn't he noticing it?

It's little things like that that happen pretty often lately, which has me feeling kind of iffy when it comes to consistency. I'm not trying to whine, or complain, especially about petty little things like that, so please don't take it that way. I guess I'm just trying to sort out how I'm feeling in a sense.

So the second reason. Me not feeling submissive. I wish I had a damn button that I could push and all of a sudden I'd feel totally submissive. I just don't want to submit lately. When I get into a rut with things, I just kind of turn off and give up, and I think maybe that's what I'm doing here.

Rather than pushing at it, and trying to make it better - I just turn off. 

I'm not naturally submissive, so it's not easy for me. I want to be submissive though, so I need to find a way to make it work and not just give up on it.

I think I'm just going to try and stop over thinking it for a bit. I'm going to trust that things will go back to how they were, and that we WILL get back into the swing of things. I know I want to, and I know Colin wants to, so it's nice not having to question that anymore. I guess it just boils down to me letting go, and giving IN rather than giving up.


I'm going to try and be extra submissive this week. I'm going to make it a point to do little things around the house, or cook, or just listen without putting up a fight. Maybe if I force myself a bit this week, then it'll come more naturally in the weeks to come.

How about you guys? Do you ever get into that kind of rut where your submission is just nowhere to be found? Anything specific you do, or have done to get back into that frame of mind?



24 comments:

  1. Hi Kenzie,
    I am sorry you are feeling like you are in a rut. Unfortunately I do not have any great advise...only positive thoughts. :-) I am sure you will get back to where you want to be. There are always ups and downs in life...hopefully you will be up again soon and the little bumps in the road with be smooth. This winter has been hard on many of us I think. :-) Hugs

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    1. Positive thoughts are just as wonderful as advice! Thanks so much Terps! I really appreciate it. :)

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  2. I have been, some what, in your shoes and it is a tough spot to be in. There are a few things we have been doing lately, that I swore I would never do. And it just seemed so childish or boring or whatever. Unfortunately they are working. If I was to do something like roll my eyes at him, one of two things would happen (though both could happen too). He will send me to the bedroom and either have me stick my nose on the wall or sit on the doormat or even give me a few swats with the bamboo stick that doesn't make noise. Or, and this one I really swore I would never do. He will tell me to make a not of it. I always, with an attitude, told him that if he can't remember what I did wrong that he couldn't spank me for it. Sometimes we just don't have the ability to have a spanking but making note of it is now what I have to do for when we do have time. And if he remembers something that I don.t - well lets just say that my bottom pays. My attitude is what always gets me into trouble. Though not finishing my lists by the time he gets home is another problem I have.
    The simpler and easier you make you make it for him to be consistent, the happier you will be.
    Hope that I was of some help

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    1. I have those same problems Blondie! You were a lot of help! Seriously, I think that's great advice! I read this comment to Colin, and he really liked it.

      I struggle with this, because like you mentioned, It' something that I want him to remember to do on his own, without me reminding him. But I realized if I remind him from time to time, he's going to eventually need no reminders at all! And I'll probably wonder why I wanted that! ;)

      Thanks Blondie!

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    1. Hi there! Hope all is well with you! :)

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  4. OH Kenzie.. this is hard. I think you are on the right track. Work on your attitude. I have sometimes asked The Man for a reconnection spanking.

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    1. I've been thinking about asking for a reconnection spanking. I struggle with that, because I just wish he KNEW, but he's not a mind reader - so I might have to speak up once in a while. :) Thanks Dana!

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  5. Hi Kenzie, I'm so sorry you are feeling as though you are in a rut. It is hard. TTWD has been a bit more in the background round here lately in terms of the little things. A combination of life, holidays and getting back to normal routine after the holidays.

    The little things are important aren't they? I think you idea is a good one .. kind of fake it till you make it? Hopefully you may find Colin responds in kind as dominance and submission really do feed off each other.

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Fake it til you make it seems to be the key for now! We seem to be in a better place, and I just have to keep pushing rather than giving up. Thanks Roz, I hope things start falling into place for you guys soon as well! :)

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  6. HI Kenzie,

    I am not in a D/S relationship so I cannot give you my opinion. But, I think it is common for people to need a break from D/S.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. Hey Joey, you stopping by and saying hi is just as good as any advice! :)

      Thanks! :)

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  7. Hi Kenzie- sorry that it's been tough for you lately. I was just thinking about submitting last night. Mostly because we had a discussion and I didn't like the outcome. I don't feel that I'm naturally submissive either. There are times that it so easy because I like to do things for him. But then there are times where it's just HARD. I fight with myself...literally have a running dialogue in my head over submitting. I'm hoping this get easier with time. I'm figuring because we're so new at it that these are the things I have to work on for the future.

    You're probably right....just stop over-thinking. I get how that can not help the submission. Maybe if you let go it'll come more freely. Good luck!

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    1. Aw, I'm sorry it's been tough for you as well! I've come to the conclusion that it's something we all go through! Or at least most of us. I know what you mean about the running dialogue, going over submitting and how to make it easier. I think you're right, things will get easier with time!

      Thanks! :)

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  8. Hi kenzie and collin too if hes reading :-)
    I havent ever written on your posts but I love your writing and am an avid lurker now de-lurking I guess lol
    Im sorry your struggling and I have been in your same shoes. Have you guys thought or heard about dd boot camp? Im presentpy in the middle of mine (ours usually lasts 2-3 days and is intense but we have found very helpful a few times a year when I get in submissive droughts to kind of nip it in the butt (pun intended)...some couples do it over the course of a weekend where it can you and your partner have no interruptions and can totally focus on each other and your wonderful relationship. Just my 2 cents worth. If you have any questions or anything plz feel free to email or contact me. Best of luck and thanks for sharing your incredible journey

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    1. Yay for delurking. :) I'm so happy to hear from you, so please feel free to comment whenever you feel like it! I love advice and hearing from others as well.

      We've done boot camp before, and Colin recently said it's something he thinks we need again. I think it'd be a big help for the both of us .. now to just find the time for it! :)

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  9. Well, when I saw your two reasons listed like that, I thought and that is why. The first thing leads to the second thing, at least in my personal experience. I think you want more than just the household chores, maybe some other tasks or things to do that are more sexy of nature?

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    1. You hit the nail on the head! It's something we're working on, and I'm hoping it'll start working out soon. Thanks Julia! :)

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  10. Hey there, I do struggle with the feeling submissive. In fact, so much so that I started a list of things to do... if you want to read it, it's listed on my blog under the lable "submission exercises" (I promise, this is not a plug for my blog, it's just that over three days time I wrote down 24 for ideas for him, and 24 ideas for her, and to put it here would be too long, sorry.)

    I think you are getting into the right frame of mind though already, wanting to do little things for him and your house, and seeing the need. Would you be able to sit down and talk with him, and let him know that you don't always catch the eye rolling yourself because it is such a habit, and that it would really help you if he even just said something small like "Watch it" when he does catch you? Do you think he'd respond well to that? Whatever you guys do, I hope it will be what is best for your marriage, and help bring DD into a line that is good for you and makes you happy. :)

    {{{hugs}}} EsMay

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    1. I remember those posts, I lovedddd them! I actually asked Colin to take a look and he loved so many of the ideas. I think it'll really help us, so thanks for that! :)

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  11. We run into these issues also.... Once he slips with consistency I start to lose my submissive urges. And even when he does get back into the swing of things I often have a hard time regaining the right mindset and desire. As long as you guys keep communicating and trying even if it is baby steps I'm sure you will find your way again :)

    ~Tasha

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    1. It's such a push/pull kind of thing, isn't it? It can be such a pain! Baby steps help, that's for sure! As does lots and lots of communication. Thanks Tasha! :)

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  12. Submission? What the heck is that? Yeah. I hear ya. I think you are definitely on the right track. Focusing on yourself and what you can do bit by bit has always been the key for me. Of course talking to each other about it helps too.
    Honestly though Kenzie, I have spent a lot of time with Dd women, not ONE of them, not ONE I would consider a 'natural' submissive. That being said, their husbands don't wrestle submission from them, but what is the point of giving someone a gift they already have?
    I was just saying this to Lillie the other day, " Every week, every day, every hour several times, I have to make the decision to be submissive. Or at the very least to try". You are not alone. Trust me.
    Good luck in moving yourself back to where you want to be!
    love willie

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    1. Aww thanks so much for this comment. It really helped me realize a few things! You're right about making the decision to be submissive, or at least trying to be submissive. I just have to realize it's going to be a daily thing, and eventually it will feel more natural. :) Thank you!

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