OTK Discussions

Once again, it's been a little while since i've been able to write a post, and I hate being away from the blog for so long, but i'm back. :)

I also promise to catch up on reading and commenting asap! I'm sorry i've been mia with that stuff lately, but i'll be catching up soon!

There isn't too much to report here, things have been so/so I guess you could say. DD and D/s aren't super present right now, but it's also not gone - so, hey, that's a plus!

We've both been pretty busy, and pretty stressed lately, but Colin's been doing a pretty good job at making sure DD is still somewhat there. I'll be honest though, I do wish it was ... MORE there. I've been craving a bit more lately, and I think he knows that. Actually, I think he *might* be craving a bit more too, so i'm just trying to leave it in his hands, and see where he takes us.

We had our one year wedding anniversary a couple weeks ago, and it was so sweet. He surprised me with a hotel room, which had a trail of flower petals (the flower petals that were used in the wedding) on the floor, and on the bed. Plus, he went to the same bakery where we got our wedding cake, and got a mini cake, same flavor and all. It was VERY sweet. Right when you think you can never love someone more than you already do, you end up loving them even more. It was definitely a great night.

Aside from that, in the beginning of DD, we were doing maintenance spankings, and then we stopped. Things were so busy, that they'd never happen when they were supposed to, which turned into me getting pissed off, yelling and fighting with him, and it just did no good. We figured it'd be best to just stop it, so we didn't have to deal with the disappointment. Well, it's been a little while since we stopped them, and I talked to him about it recently. I kind of miss it. I miss having that structure, in a sense. We came up with something that he calls, "OTK Discussions." It's kind of like maintenance, but depending on what's gone out in the days leading up to it, it could be something as simple as me laying over his lap, and us just talking. He decided that we'd have one of these, "discussions," every Wednesday, but also whenever he feels it's necessary.

Tonight is supposed to be our first one, but he's still at work and probably won't be home until at least 8 o clock, if not later. I have a feeling it might be put on the back burner, but i'm not sure.

Part of me is so tired and just.. blah feeling today, that I really could care less if it doesn't happen. I kind of think I'd be relieved in a way. The other part of me is saying, "No, it needs to happen. You just feel this way because DD has, once again, taken a back seat."

I don't blame him for the fact that it's not how we'd both like it to be right now, but sometimes I feel like it's not made a priority when it could/should be. It's fine to be too tired from work, or just too stressed once in a while, but personally, I feel like sometimes if he's too tired, he should say, "Oh well, too bad. This is important and I need to MAKE it important."

I don't know, my mind is kind of all over the place right now, as is this blog post. Sorry about that.

I'm trying to just let go and see what happens, but i'm all sorts of confused.

Like I said, I think the fact that it hasn't been great lately, is almost getting me to expect the let down. Again, I want to stress that i'm not mad at Colin for this. I understand shit happens, but I guess i'd appreciate it, if it were made a priority.. just sometimes!

He still is very HOHy at times though. For example, he's been on my butt about saying Sir, a lot more than he used to be. Also, we were out this weekend, at a public event, and he told me he wanted me to leave my hands on my thighs. If I had an itch, or if my phone rang, or if I needed to move my hands, I had to quietly ask him. I thought it might be silly at first, but it really got me to think about being submissive and listening to him. Something so little, turned into a pretty good lesson in submission. Later on in the day, it got to the point where I was doing something, maybe being a bit feisty, and he's just give me that look and put his hand on his thigh. I automatically knew he wanted my hands on my thighs, and I put them there without a thought. It was an interesting day.

So like I said, it IS still there. He IS still being HOHy, but the spanking part, the punishment part, and some other parts have been .. lacking. I trust him to make it a priority, i'm just really trying to stay patient.

In other news, and let me stress how unbelievably exited I am about this, Charlie Hunnam is no longer Christian Grey! Yay, I think. Now, i'll admit, I saw a few photos of Charlie and caught myself thinking, "Wow, ok.. I see it. They could totally change him up a bit from the SOA look, and he could be Christian Grey." Especially in this photo.

If you've been reading this blog, you know i'm all for Matt Bomer, so that's where the Yay part comes in. I've seen a few articles that mention Matt being a front runner, now that Charlie is out. I think the fans and the movie makers might not see eye to eye on this, so I won't hold my breath, but I WILL cross my fingers! I also have read that he was offered the part first, but turned it down. No idea if that's credible or what, but I can believe that he would turn down the offer. I think any serious actor would, to be honest. As hot as some of those scenes are in the book, lets face it, the writing is a joke. If the movie is much like the book, it could very easily, turn whoever portrays Christian, into a joke as well.

What do you guys think?

And just because he's total eye candy, I can't let this post be done without a picture of Matt Bomer, now can I?

Where are you DD & Punishment Panties.

I haven't written in about a week, so I really want to write a post, but I don't have much to say.

Of course, I say that now, but then once I get going, i'll probably write a novel. Bare with me (yes pun intended, of course) and we'll see where this goes. I'm sure this post is going to jump all over the place.

About a week ago, I wrote that we were in a bit of a lull when it comes to DD, and to be honest, we're still stuck in that rut. I'm not sure how to go about getting it back, and part of me almost doesn't want to. I've been pretty far from submissive lately, but i'm not really sure why. Nothing specific has happened that has caused me to be less submissive, or Colin to be less Dominant, it's just kind of .. happening right now.

I can't say it's like that every day, because there are days where it does feel like TTWD is going on, but i'd say 90 percent of the time lately, it just isn't there. We're not fighting, or arguing, or anything like that. DD is just not there.

He asked me to vacuum the other day, while he was watching tv, and even though it's a very little thing, I think we both felt the DD there. We had a little mini convo that went something along the lines of this:

C: It turns me on when you do stuff like this.
K: What? All i'm doing is vacuuming.
C: Yes, but you're doing it for me.

I then went on to make him dinner, and I really love doing those little things. For him. That's part of being submissive that I love. Doing little things for him, it makes me feel good to do those things, because he does SO MUCH for me.

Of course he then turned into Joey from FRIENDS. For anyone who watches that show, ya know how Joey can turn anything and everything into something dirty? Well that's what Colin does.

We were sitting eating dinner, and I said how the meatloaf was moist. What does he say?

C: It can always be more moist.

Then he does that little smirk. Then after dinner, I was full but not satisfied and was trying to explain that feeling to him.

K: I'm full, but not satisfied. My mouth needs something.
C: Oh i've got something for your mouth.

I just shook my head, and went back to my show. Secretly smiling at what a dork he is.

He also came up with a new twist for punishments. He said he's going to order a pair of panties that say "Corner Time" on the butt, for when i'm in the corner, and another pair that says something spanking related, for when I earn a spanking.

I have to admit, that'd be pretty darn effective! I can just imagine him telling me to go put on a certain pair of panties before a punishment. YIKES! It'd make the punishment 10x more effective.

But shhhh, we won't tell him that! Our little secret. :)

So, like I said, DD has been present a little bit, but for the most part.. not so much. It's no ones fault either. He's not doing anything wrong, i'm not doing anything wrong, it's just not .. there.

I'm kinda .. blah about it. Feeling a bit down, and wishing it were more present, but keep trying to remind myself that these ups and downs seem to happen. It goes through phases, and eventually it'll go back to being up. :)

Has anyone else gone through this kind of phase? Where no one is really doing anything wrong, but the DD aspect is lacking? Any idea what to do to start it back up? I do miss it, and as much as it's a nice break from it, I really do want it back.