Reconnection Spankings & A Fresh Start

Ahhh I've seriously missed this blog! Work and life has just been crazy and unfortunately I haven't had any time to keep up with it. :(

Besides writing in my own blog, I really miss reading how everyone else is doing! I can't wait to catch up over the next couple of days.

Colin and I hit a bit of a rough patch with DD over the past 6 months or so, and I honestly didn't know how (or if at all) we were going to be able to get back into things. Our relationship was still great, but we both knew it was lacking something.

I sort of just accepted the fact that with work going the way it was, and Colin working around 60-80 hours a week it had to take a bit of a back seat. I trusted that eventually we would get back to where we needed to be, but as more time passed, I started to lose hope a little bit. I knew Colin wanted DD, and it wasn't lacking because of interest... but there was just nothing we could really do about it.

Soooo, we sort of let it go for a bit, but then finally decided to sit and talk about it and figure out how to get back on track. He expressed his concerns, I expressed mine, and it really helped us start fresh.

His main thing was that he was over thinking everythingggg. Would the spanking be enough if he got home at 10pm and it was only a 5 minute long thing? Would he live up to the Hoh I needed him to be? Would he be able to be consistent enough? Would I be understanding if things still got in the way from time to time?

For me, it was more about.. will I be able to be submissive after so long? Will I be able to let him take the lead? Will I trust him to take our relationship where it needed to be? Would I be able to be understanding if things did still get in the way, and not get annoyed when it happened?

Basically there were a lot of questions going through our minds that made it difficult to step back into our roles. Once we talked about those things, and were able to be completely open and honest with each other, we were able to figure it out together.

Another thing that helped immensely was that we were lucky enough to have a weekend get together with some old DD friends, while meeting some new ones as well! I honestly can not put into words, how thankful I am to have these people in our lives. They are all SO understanding, helpful, sweet, and most of all genuine. I loveeee when we're all able to get together, and can't wait until the next time! :)

Something that helped us a lot, was that during that weekend, we all discussed some DD questions and were able to listen to different responses, different thoughts, and different perspectives. Honestly, that moment was probably the biggest eye opener for both of us when it comes to our DD relationship. 

Once we got home, Colin decided we needed some role affirmation/maintenance. Starting last night, we'll be having 3 nights worth of spankings. Last night was a great start..other than the fact that I forgot how much that damn paddle hurts!!! I feel like such a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and I feel closer to Colin than ever. I don't want to jinx it, and I know real life can and WILL get in the way - but I think we'll be able to handle it a lot better from here on out.

He's also mentioned wanting to come up with some assignments/daily activities to keep me feeling submissive. Has anyone else done anything like that? What are some things your hoh has had you do, that helped you feel submissive day to day?

It is seriously a resolution of mine to make more time for this blog, so hopefully I'll be writing again soon. Can't wait to catch up on everyone else's blogs and see how everyone has been. Everyone having a good 2015? Hope it hasn't looked like this picture yet. ;)

I see your Dominance, but I need to FEEL it.

I should probably start this blog off with a warning of some sort. Basically this post is going to be all over the place. I have a few topics I want to write about, but instead of writing separate blog posts, I figured I'd try to fit it all into one - without making this an hour long read. :p

First thing to start with, is that Colin is healing pretty well. He has some pain here and there, but all the checkups have been great, and he starts his physical therapy in a few days, so that should help a lot! When it comes to DD/Ds during his recovery, it started off really well. We did things to keep it alive, and right before his surgery I actually got a very serious spanking which kept me in line for a pretty long time! I've gotten a little teary before from a punishment, maaaybe even came close to crying - but this spanking changed that for sure! The spanking was for some serious disrespect, and towards the end he started talking about how what I say can really hurt him. Yikes. The lecture really hit me.. (at the same time the implement was hitting me by the way) and I just knew I wasn't going to be able to hold back the tears.

Colin was asking me questions during the lecture, and when I stopped answering with "yes Sir," and became quiet rather than answering his questions, he could tell I didn't want him to know I was crying. He gave me a few more smacks with it, and then held me for a while. He told me I don't need to hide the fact that I'm crying, and that it might help me to just let go and get it all out. He held me for a while, I cried, we talked, and it was the most effective punishment I've received. Sooo, that certainly helped with my behavior. For a while. 

We also did a few activities that have really helped us maintain our roles. We filled out a limit list together, we each wrote down what we think the other does well in their role, and what they could work on. Another one we did, was to write down 5 things each of us would ideally like from the other on a regular basis. 

He also decided that I'm going to start writing a daily diary. Something to keep track of how many waters I drink a day, if I do my chores or not, why I didn't get something done, and just my overall feelings that day. Just a quick little entry each day. We'll then go over it at night, during out nightly discussions.

I went to the store and bought a notebook on Monday - but I've yet to write in it. I'm not sure why, but I'm losing my submissiveness big time this week.

There hasn't been much follow through from Colin lately either. I notice that during our nightly discussions, for the past two weeks, he's been telling me I need to do better with drinking enough water throughout the day. I'm supposed to drink a minimum of 4 bottles a day, and I've been drinking one .. maybe two. In my mind I'm kind of like... "ok, well if I haven't been drinking enough water, and you've been reminding me every night for about two weeks.. maaaaybe it's time to do more than just talk to me about it?!?!" I've SEEN his dominance plenty lately, but I haven't FELT his dominance in a while. To me, there's a difference.

We talk, and do activities, and discuss things, BUT there isn't much reinforcement. I've pointed this out to him a few times, and he always says it's going to change, but to be honest - it hasn't. In my mind, that means it's not going to. I know he has a ton on his mind, and he's stressed, and I completely get that. But that doesn't make it any easier.

I don't want to come off as whining or complaining either, so I apologize if it comes across that way - but I needed to vent a bit. ;) So yea, that's where we are right now, but I'm hoping we'll get back on track soon.

Next thing I wanted to mention, was that we had the amazing opportunity to get together with 5 other DD couples about a month ago for a whole weekend, and it was SO much fun. I'm so lucky to have met such great, down to earth, real, fun, people that "get" the whole TTWD thing. Colin and I were able to be ourselves, and not hide this aspect of our lives around others. The only downside to that? Other HOHS give very evil presents to each other, and I got into a bit of trouble one night so Colin decided it was a great time to try out some new implements! All I can say is OUCH! Oh, and they weren't exactly silent implements either. So yes, it was heard by others. Grrr. ;) But like I said, it was such a great feeling to be ourselves, and be around others who understand. I'm very thankful. :)

The last thing I wanted to mention, was that the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer came out today! I wasn't looking forward to it at all, but the trailer changed my mind just a little bit. I still don't like the female lead, but I have to say that seeing the trailer made me see the actor who plays Christian, in a different light. I didn't think he'd be "Christian-y" at all .. but after seeing the trailer, I'm starting to see it a bit. Have you guys seen it? If not I'll put it up in this post - watch it and let me know what you think. :) Will you be heading to the movie theater when it comes out next year?

Muttering Under Your Breath Leads to a Bedtime!

I have to start off by saying, thanks for all the input on the new blog name! I went with "His Cheeky Sub," and I really like it. :) Seemed to be the consensus among you guys as well!

I do have a question though for any blog savvy readers out there. I see that the name changed on my page, but when I see my blog on blog rolls, it still says Red Bottoms & TTWD. Will that stay that way? Is there anything I can do for it to show up as the new name?

Things are still going well with us. Colin had another doctors appointment the other day and his surgery is officially scheduled! He's going to be getting two surgeries at once. Shoulder surgery, and wrist surgery. It's happening in the beginning of July, and I'm so happy his pain will be gone shortly after that! Recovery time will probably be around a month, so it will be hard with him being out of work for that amount of time, but we'll figure out a way to make it work. I asked him how he's going to know when he's able to go back to spanking, and he had his answer all lined up, as it was clearly something he thought about before...

"I'm going to ask him how long until I can go bowling." Pretty smart! Bowling kind of, sort of requires a similar movement in the arm as giving a spanking, so it seems like that's a good way to ask. :)

We're still having our nightly discussions and they have made such a difference in TTWD for us. He's been so consistent with it, and I'm so thankful and happy that it's been working out so well. We were having our talk last night, and a big topic of discussion was my procrastination issues. He said he's going to have to start giving me a wakeup time and I just kind of quietly laughed and muttered under my breath, "Sure. Just like the imaginary bedtime." Of course he heard me, and asked what I meant by that. I told him how he's mentioned multiple times that he's going to implement a bed time, but it's never happened, so I didn't think a wake up time would happen either.

Well, I was wrong. His response? 

"From now on, you'll be in bed by 10. Going to sleep by 11. Set the alarm on your phone to go off every morning at 8 am. And don't think you'll be hitting the snooze button when it goes off either."

When will I learn to just keep my mouth shut? As much as I don't want to admit it, it might be a good idea. I don't always get the best nights sleep, and I can be pretty grumpy because of it. I also procrastinate like crazy, so maybe .. just maybe, the bedtime and wakeup time might help. 

Yeah, Yeah.. Hoh's always know best don't they? *Insert sarcastic eye roll.* ;)

We have a busy weekend ahead of us, how about you guys? Any fun plans?

Punishment Journals & Rating Consequences

Hi everyone! Hope you all had a great weekend. :)

Colin and I went to the store the other day and got a journal/notebook thing that we decided would be beneficial for DD/Ds and for getting us back on track.

We sat down together and wrote a list of rules, a list of consequences, a list of rewards, and a list of chores. He had to leave for a bit, and told me when he was gone he wanted me to write a detailed chore calendar as well as ranking the punishments we listed earlier, in a list from most to least effective.

Doing that stuff instantly put me in such a submissive mind set, and even though it's something pretty little, I thought it was a great step in the right direction.

I wrote up both things he asked, and was really anxious to show him when he got home. Before I showed him, he said he was going to rank the punishments as well, so that we could see if we were on the same page when it came to effectiveness of punishments.

We were both pretty shocked when we read our lists to each other, because they weren't as similar as we thought they would be.

I thought I'd share our lists here, just because I thought it was so interesting.

*Now keep in mind, just because a punishment is at the bottom of the list (least effective) it doesn't mean I don't find it effective. I still think the ones at the bottom work very well, just not as well as the ones towards the top.*

Kenzie's List:

1.) Lecturing
2.) Spanking
3.) Essay/Apology letter
4.) Sent to bedroom
5.) Loss of privileges
6.) Early bedtime
7.) Corner time
8.) Kneeling
9.) Capcaisin cream
10.) Butt plug
11.) Soap/hot sauce
12.) Nipple clamps

Colin's List:

1.) Lecturing
2.) Spanking
3.) Butt plug
4.) Soap/hot sauce
5.) Essay/Apology letter
6.) Kneeling
7.) Corner time
8.) Sent to bedroom
9.) Capcaisin cream
10.) Loss of privileges
11.) Nipple clamps
12.) Early bedtime

We started off on the same page, but then didn't have many similarities. I don't know why exactly, but I just found it really interesting. We haven't done any submissive exercises in a while, and I think this was perfect for us. I have to say, I recommend it to anyone looking for these sorts of exercises. We were able to learn some new things about each other, have some very good conversations about the outcome, and just get some really good insight into what each of us thinks about the effectiveness of our list of punishments and consequences.

If anyone has any other submissive type exercises like this one, we'd love to hear about them. It really helped us both to feel better in our roles and I'm so happy he came up with the idea for us to do this - so I'd love to hear any other ideas you guys have! :)

I know he's got me. ;) And I love him like crazy for it! 

Mr. Spank your tail!

Ugh, I miss blogging like craaazy! Life has taken over recently and I just haven't had time that I thought I would.

I have time tonight for a little update and to catch up on some blogs, so I figured I'd take advantage of that. :)

I went to California for a week for spring vacation, and it was pretty amazing! With the weather the way it has been here lately, Cali weather was such a nice little break!

Coaching has also just seriously taken over my life. Between practices and games, our schedule is insane. I love it - but it takes up A LOT of time.

Colin and I are good. DD/Ds is still there, but it hasn't been as present as either of us would like. It's hard with both of us being so busy. On top of my schedule, he works crazy long hours so it hasn't been easy to incorporate DD or D/s. With that being said, I know it's still there. I know when things slow down or when we have time, there will be more spanking and other DD kind of things - but sometimes being patient sucks.

I know he misses it too. When I was away, I got a random text from him one day that just simply said:

"I need to dom you. I miss it."

I love knowing that he wants/needs this as much as I do. Now if only our schedules would lighten up a bit! Here's how I feel about life and busy schedules getting in the way of things!

So on another note .. I know I'm late, but I've missed writing those little spanko jingles, so I put a quick little Easter one together for this post. It's a short one, but it's to the tune of "Here Comes Mr. Cottontail." Hope you like it! Can't wait to catch up on everyones blogs, and hopefully I'll start being able to squeeze in more updates. I miss talking to everyone!

Here Comes Mr. Spank your tail.
Hey, you're looking kind of pale.
Don't you worry,
a spankings on its way!

Bringing every girl and boy
lots and lots of spanking toys.
He'll make your bottom red
like cabernet.

He's got paddles belts and brushes,
lots of corners for display.
so if you start to misbehave,
you might end up OTK.

Here comes Mr. Spank your tail
Hey, you're looking kind of pale!
You should worry,
a spankings on its way!

It's been long enough! Answer time. :)

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My HOH is back & The Fantasy Box!

I don't want to speak too soon, but I really think DD/TTWD is back on track. Or at least on it's way to being back on track!

We had a pretty big slump, and for a while, we just couldn't figure out how to get back into the swing of things. We both wanted DD to continue, but it had taken a backseat for so long and it was hard to start it back up.

I think I was just over thinking it. This weekend we had a little mini vacation and went skiing a couple hours away from home. On the car ride there we started talking a bit about DD, TTWD, spanking, D/s, etc - and I was feeling discouraged because the conversation was just turning into argument after argument. We just couldn't seem to agree on anything.

I was feeling extra vulnerable, and extra emotional, and I really needed him to be extra hoh-y. I remember him saying something that pissed me off, and rather than talking to him respectfully, I just snapped. Yelled at him, told him I was done with the conversation, and proceeded to look out the window, not looking forward to this little mini vacation anymore.

A few minutes later, he said something about how I need to respect him, not talk to him the way I did, etc. It really got to me, and I started thinking about WHY I snapped at him, rather than trying to work it out. I realized that I knew I was going to get upset and start crying, so rather than letting myself cry and get it all out, I bottled it in and turned to anger instead. I apologized, and explained that to him, and he said if I need to cry .. then cry. Not to keep it in and snap at him instead, because it won't do any good.

He said he wanted to do a submissive Saturday, and that for the rest of the day I was to answer with Sir. Whether it be, yes Sir, no Sir, etc - I was to say Sir when he asked me a question. Every time I forgot, it was going to be 10 spanks with whatever implement he decided to use.

He said it would be a good lesson in respect and would hopefully start getting us back on the right track. Things were starting to look up, and I could feel myself becoming more submissive again.

We ended up having an absolutely amazing weekend. On the drive home, I told him that sometimes I just have these moments where I fall in love with him all over again, and this weekend was one of those times. I just felt so happy, so in love, and finally felt content with TTWD again.

At one point, we were waiting for the shuttle to take us to the mountain and a good amount of people were around us. I did something, I can't remember what, but he gave me 'the look.' The look didn't seem to stop me, so he discreetly grabbed hold of my upper arm, pulled me in close to him, and whispered "Behave," into my ear. I instantly turned bright red and stopped doing whatever it was I was doing!

Damn, Mr. Hohy husband is back!

I forgot to say Sir a few times throughout the weekend and on the drive home he let me know it would be taken care of.

"When I say it's time, I don't want any back talk. I want you over my knee, and I want you to submit."
"Yes, Sir."

We relaxed for a bit when we got home, and then he decided it was time for the spanking. He got out the strap, the rose paddle, and the tilt wand thing, and I knew he wasn't playing around.

I was supposed to only get 40 total, but didn't take the spanking quite as well as he liked, so he decided we were going to stop keeping count, and he was going to keep spanking until he decided I learned my lesson.

It wasn't very long, or even very hard, but it seemed to be what we both needed. I mean, I'll admit - I still feel like I need a long, hard, possibly even tears, type of session, but I know it will happen when it needs to.

When he was done, he said, "This really IS a great stress reliever for me. Another reason to do it more often."

Yup, my HOH is back .. and maybe even better than ever. ;)

OH and I wanted to mention something we ordered that I just got in the mail today! I don't know if you guys have ever heard of beauty boxes, like ipsy and birchbox - but basically there are these websites which send out monthly boxes with beauty supplies for a certain amount of money a month. Some are ten, some twenty, etc. Anyway, it's become my new obsession and when I was telling Colin about them, he asked if there was anything like that, but more geared towards adult toys.

I googled it, and sure enough, I came across something called The Fantasy Box. If you're interested, click here and check it out ----> The Fantasy Box.

Basically, it's a box that is delivered once a month, and it has some type of 'fantasy' inside. It comes with a questionnaire for each partner to fill out, and then one person is the leader, other is the follower. Obviously Colin will be the leader for us when we get our fantasy! There are cards for each person with directions on them, and things in the box to fulfill the fantasy on the card. It can be anything from a sweet massage, to a fun kinky kind of session. I'll include a picture of our first box that I just opened!

My first impression is overall a good one! I didn't read the instructions on the "Leader" card, because that's for Colin to read - and for me not to find out about until he gives me the instructions. ;) The instructions on my card (the follower card) tell me to put on the blindfold, get dressed (I'm assuming in that outfit) and wait wherever the leader tells me to wait. Sounds interesting! The little things in the picture that you can't quite make out, are a little vibrator thing, a massage candle, and some lube. I'm not a big fan of the lingerie - it's a weird style, but I'll be wearing it anyway for Colin. I have to say, it looks like SO much fun, and I'm really excited to try it out. Anyway, just thought I'd share the info for anyone who might be interested!

Another thing I'm super excited for - Colin got us tickets to go see the show "Spank! The Fifty Shades Parody," for this Friday night! I have no idea what to expect, but I'm hoping it's funny! I have a feeling it will be. :)

Can't wait to catch up on blogs! I'm sorry I haven't been around much - I had just been really down and took a break from the blogs for a bit. I really miss everyone, and can't wait to see how everyone is doing!

Naughty, Naughty!

 Just a quick update, and then some pictures in this post!

Not much has happened since my last post, other than a couple spanks this morning. A DD couple we've become really close with, sent us some stuff over the holidays and one of these things is a very evil spanking implement that I have a serious love/hate relationship with. Basically Colin loves it, I hate it. ;)

I decided to grab it when he wasn't looking and give him a light smack with it - whoops! I ended up getting 20 with the thing! It's a green rod like implement, and I think a perfect nickname for it, is the green monster!

I'll be writing our one year DD anniversary post soon, and I've been asked some great questions so far, and since the next post will be where I answer those questions, if anyone has anymore questions, please comment or shoot me an email and I'd love to answer any questions you have. You can ask me, you can ask Colin, you can ask both of us, whichever you'd feel like! I just thought it'd be fun to answer some, and especially to see how Colin answers some as well. Sooo - ask away! Personal, DD, Ds, TTWD, Vanilla - take your pick. :) We'll be answering them in my next post.

Now to the pictures! I asked Colin to find some pictures he liked, I found some I liked and I thought I'd do a little picture post. ;) Some are a little more risque than I've posted before, but I was in a bit of a naughty type of mood looking at some pictures, so if you don't want to see anything more than DD type stuff, feel free to skip this part of the post. :)

Colin's Pictures:

I like the idea of a little bit of added 'humiliation.'

Going to have to do this with Kenzie sometime soon.

Pretty self explanatory. 

Another one thats pretty self explanatory. 

Kenzie's Pictures:

Nipple clamps .. enough said.

Love this picture. You can really see the Dominance here.

Hot. Simple as that. ;)

Would like to get to the point where I'm comfortable enough for this .. but not yet.

So, any favorites? Hope ya liked them! :) Remember, if you have a question for either of us - Ask away! 

Spankings, and questions and answers oh my!

Ok so the title of this post might be a little misleading. No, there haven't been any spankings lately. Not yet anyway.

You can thank mother nature, and stress for that!

First, I want to say a huge thank you to everyone who commented on my last post. I got such great advice, lots of hugs and good thoughts and it really made me happy to see how people really care. :) You guys are great and I'm so thankful/lucky that I started blogging and got to 'meet' so many awesome people! So thanks again.

We're doing a bit better since that last post, thankfully! Like I said, mother nature and stress still want to intrude, but we're getting there!

My dog has been on his antibiotics and he seems to be feeling much better! He is old, and I don't expect him to live forever, unfortunately - but it's nice to see him happy for what time he does has left.

We got the new apartment! Yay, yay, yay, and YAY!!!! We should officially be moved in and living there as of this weekend! I'm so happy about that.

We had a looooong talk, which turned into a looooong argument, and then another looooong talk about DD/Ds. Needless to say, it was draining. I kind of broke down a bit a lot, and told him I really didn't want to do this anymore. I was serious too. I just felt like I could never get back into that headspace, and even thinking about him being Dominant, made me want to fight. I wanted nothing to do with it, and I really thought I was done. We talked a lot, he said he didn't think that was the right decision, and that it was going to take some time, but we'd get back on track. One thing that really struck me was this:

Me: I can't do it, I just don't want it anymore.
Colin: Kenz, you need this. I need this. We need this.

Found this on google. Love the quote, and the picture. 

I was shocked at that. I half expected him to agree with me and say we should take a break from TTWD, but he really pushed for it to continue and mentioned multiple times how he needed it. This coming from the man I never thought could be Dominant, or would want anything to do with a DD relationship. That alone, helped me get back into the mind frame. Just a little bit though.

We found this app on our phones, that we can both access even when he's at work, or we're not together. Basically it's a to do list and he can add things from his phone, and then I'll be alerted that there's something added to the list. He added about 8 things today, and told me he wanted me to start crossing them off.

He can also see when I cross them off by the way!

I got almost all of it done, and texted him letting him know that, and asked if I could take a break for a bit because I really didn't feel well.

"Good girl. You've been doing a good job. You can do the rest tomorrow, go relax."

He can be such a sweetheart sometimes. ;)

It's nice that something as simple as a little "to-do list" app has really changed my attitude around. I know it's going to be difficult to get back into the swing of things, but I want to get there. I want to try and I want to continue our DD/Ds adventure together.

What's funny is that it's almost our one year DD anniversary! We started January 22nd of 2013, so in a little over a week it'll be a year! We'll be in our new place by then, and it really will be a fresh start!

When it hits that year mark, I'll have a post about some things I learned, and what I want to work on in the next year. I'm going to ask Colin to help me out with that post so you guys can get his point of view on things as well.

So this is where I need your guys help! I was wondering if you could comment or email me at ddcouple26@gmail.com with some questions for me to answer. Well for me to answer, for Colin to answer, of for both of us to answer together. I'd love to include some questions from you guys when I write about our one year mark. I thought that could be a cool way to blog about it. :)

So pleaseeee leave a comment, or shoot me an email with a question for either of us, or both of us.

It could be DD related, Ds related, Spanking related, Vanilla related, you name it!

We're both pretty open people, so don't hold back. Ask away. :) I think it'll be fun!

I'm not too sure about the creepy questions though. ;)

Hope everyones doing well, and thanks again for the comments on the last post. You guys are awesome!

When being submissive feels like a chore..

I've been wanting to write a post for a while now, but it seems every time I went to write one, I'd decide against it. I didn't think I had anything to write about, and I just felt kind of .. blah about the whole DD thing.

To be honest, I'm kind of forcing myself to write this post. I've wanted to write for a while, so I guess I need to just .. do it, and see what comes out. It might be a lot of senseless rambling, so feel free to skip this post - I'll understand. :)

DD, Ds, any sort of TTWD has been pretty extinct for us lately. I don't really know why, other than we've both been sick and pretty stressed. We've been having a bunch of problems with our moronic landlord, who is basically trying to kick us out, so he doesn't have to pay for all the issues that are going on in the apartment. He broke our lease recently, because he came into the apartment early one morning when he wasn't supposed to. Colin had left for work, and I was in bed, when I heard keys in the doorknob. I freaked out, and then heard the door open so jumped out of bed and ran over to the door to see what was going on. There was my landlord, just standing there. "Oh uh, I didn't think anyone would be home." Oh ok, so you just show up because you don't think anyone is home? Um no. Not according to the lease. Anyway, needless to say it made me nervous to be home alone, especially at night, so we've been trying to move out, which has become so stressful.

We live in a very overpriced part of the country, so finding someone decent in our price range has been a huge hassle. We finally found something we both really like, and I'm pretty sure it's ours. I'm supposed to meet with the guy soon to sign the lease, so until then I don't want to jinx it, but I'm pretty excited! It's much bigger than the space we're in now, but it's also more expensive. It's do-able, but it won't be easy. I think it's time to hit the lottery!

Anyway, so we've been stressed because of that and it seems to have really taken a toll on TTWD. I think it's also because we had company over the holidays, and since we weren't able to do much then, it's hard to get back into the swing of things.

It almost feels like a chore to be submissive. I want to get back into it so badly, but I catch myself getting really irritated when he gives me something to do. There's a lot that has to be done, and every time he reminds me to get the stuff done, I want to roll my eyes and tell him to be quiet.

I kind of feel like we're stuck and don't know how to get back on track. Especially now that the holidays are over, so he's back to working anywhere from 60-100 hours a week!

We've talked about this a little bit and I mentioned maybe having some kind of reconnection spanking. He seemed to agree, and also said that we'd be starting fresh. He said we'll be going over our rules, adding a few new ones, and he was going to be enforcing them pretty strictly. If we get this new place, it'll be nice because we'll be able to get a complete fresh start. Only thing is, we have one floor where we are now, so it's not like he can tell me to, "Go wait upstairs." Welllll the new place, has three floors. So he can very easily tell me to go upstairs and wait for him. I don't know why that makes me nervous, but it does!

Another reason I think we're not back on track yet, is that I don't think either one of us quite knows how to wrap our heads around certain types of spankings. Let's see if I can get this to make sense without rambling on forever...Warning: There might be a bunch of nonsense that doesn't make sense below, lol, but I'm just trying to sort it all out ..

I get punishment spankings. Those are the types of spankings I had always envisioned when I realized I wanted a DD relationship. I wanted the consequences, the lecturing, the aftercare - basically everything that comes with a punishment spanking.

I kind of get reconnection spankings. I crave his Dominance, I want to be reminded who is in charge, I want/need him to want/need to spank me .. just because he wants to, or just because he can. If I'm slipping a bit and have been a little bratty, but don't quite deserve a punishment spanking, that's when I can see a reconnection type spanking taking place. That or if we've been in a funk for a little bit and need to go over the rules or something like that.

With that being said, I can't quite grasp other spankings. Good girl spankings, fun spankings, sexy spankings. I want all of those, but I'm not sure how to separate them from the punishment spankings. What do I do differently? What does he do differently? What does he say differently? I need the stuff that goes with the spanking. The verbal part. The lecturing. His Dominance. I need all that. How does he convey that when it's not a punishment? Why do I have such an issue submitting to a spanking when it's not for punishment? I feel like I get lost in my thoughts and find a reason to fight with him so that it doesn't happen.

Does that even make any sense? I warned you guys, this might be a bunch of mumbo jumbo rambling taking place.

Bottom line? We're in a funk. Again. But this time, I don't know how to get out of it. I think I need one of those reconnection type spankings. I need it to be 100 percent initiated by him. I need for him to be more Dominant and in charge than ever before. I think about how I need all of this, but then I imagine him coming home tonight and actually telling me to get over his knee, and I just don't think I'd listen. I think I'd make up a thousand excuses. I'm too tired, I'm too stressed, I don't feel well, I have cramps.

Now, it's not like those are made up excuses, because they're all very much true. Today has been exceptionally exhausting. I got a dog for my 12th birthday, and he's now 13 years old. He's literally the most amazing dog there is. He's adorable, friendly, the sweetest thing ever, and he's been part of my family for so long.

He went to the vet today and they wanted to put him to sleep. He doesn't seem to be in any pain at all, but he's lost a ton of weight, isn't really eating, and can't walk much. The last thing in the world I want, is to see that dog suffer. It'd break my heart. But right now, he isn't suffering. He's old, yes, but he certainly doesn't seem to be in any sort of pain. Thankfully he came back home and the doctor gave him some antibiotics and said maybe there'll be some sort of miracle and that's all he will need for now, but in his opinion, he's not going to live much longer. I got the news, and right away I called Colin and just kind of lost it. It's been a long day of tears and sadness, so I really am emotionally spent. It'll be so hard to lose him, and it makes me so sad to think about it. I just hope these antibiotics work and when he does go, I hope he goes peacefully in his sleep.

So yes, maybe tonight isn't the best night for that reconnection spanking, I don't think I'm in the right head space right now.. but I do hope it happens soon. I think we both need it.

Like I said, lots of rambling about different topics, but at least it got me to write a post! What do you guys think? Have you ever been in this type of funk, and did a reconnection spanking help? Or maybe something else? I'd love to hear your thoughts! :)

Breakthroughs, and LOL Spanking, and Spanko Advent!

As you can see from the title, this post will cover more than one topic!

To start it off, I feel like we had one of those 'breakthrough' kind of spankings the other night. I wrote briefly about how I had gone over my 4 drink limit, and was told I'd be getting a spanking for it. Well, he certainly delivered on that promise!

I didn't think it'd be that big of a deal, maybe just a quick little spanking, but boy was I wrong. It wasn't even about the drinking necessarily, in his eyes, but more about the disobedience, and he made that very clear. About I've been a bit disobedient lately, and he was getting tired of it.

We were sitting in the living room, and he told me to go into the bedroom, change into what I was wearing for Thanksgiving, get the bathbrush and strap out of the drawer, and bend over the bed, waiting for him. My mouth pretty much dropped, because I've never gotten any instructions like that before. I thought it was best not to protest or argue, so I did as told and waited for him. After a minute or so of being bent over the bed, I got impatient and turned around to see him standing in the doorway.

My thoughts? Shiiit he looks serious! I looked at him and asked him to just get it over with.

All I heard was, "Turn around. Stop talking."

Um, crap!

So after a couple more minutes, he came in and started the spanking. I don't remember the order of the implements, or anything like that, but I do remember the lecturing. He's lectured before, but never like this. We usually get off track, or giggle a bit during most spankings, but this was very .. serious. He was asking me why I'm getting spanked, what would happen if I was disobedient again, and if I was going to start being a good girl. Oh, and I also remember he started spanking hard with this very hard leather type mini paddle thingy, and told me that was my warm up. I asked him a few times who he was, and what he did with my husband!

His response? "He's been too lenient, he's gone now, young lady."

WHO WAS THIS MAN?!

After about 15 minutes or so of spanking and lecturing, he told me he was going to finish up with the strap and cane.

10 with the strap, having to count, "1, I will not disobey Sir," Etc.

10 with the cane, having to count, "1, I'm sorry Sir," Etc.

Afterwards, he laid down next to me on the bed, cuddled up with me, while going back and forth between rubbing my bottom, and playing with my hair. I just had this feeling of .. calmness. I was so calm, so happy, so content, so loved, it was amazing.

I turned around so I was facing him, and told him how proud of him I was. I told him how, since we started TTWD, I've always known he was my Dom, and my HOH, but this time it was different. I was just so comfortable with the fact that he was the HOH. I was so happy, and so proud of how far he has come. I mean this man was pretty much vanilla a couple years ago. Now? He's a freakin' spanko for sure!

He told me it's nice to hear that from time to time, and that he just feels so comfortable in his role. He doesn't question himself anymore, and he just went with it, and knew exactly what to do, and what to say. I could totally feel that during the spanking, and it made such a difference in the overall effectiveness of the punishment.

Later on in the day, he asked me a question and I answered "Yes Sir," without even giving it a second thought. Usually it feels funny saying it, but this time it was the most natural thing in the world.

I still feel all giddy just writing about it. I don't know, I just feel like we've turned a corner with DD, and it feels pretty damn good!

Ok, next topic!

The LOL Day spanking. We've waited long enough, and he finally has a couple days off for Thanksgiving and the weekend, so we finally had time for the LOL day spanking. I'm glad THAT'S over with!

The order of the spanking was:

• 25, Over his knee, Hand - reciting, "1, Another please, Sir," and so forth.
• 15, Bent over chair, wooden spoon, just counting.
• 15, Bent over, cane, reciting, "1, I will be good," etc.
• 15, Standing hands behind head, lexan paddle, counting for this one.
• 10, On my knees, strap, just counting for this one as well.
• 15, On all fours, Spankers Choice - which was the new paddle from Blondie's Place, that I won over at Rogue's blog! Let me tell you, this is his new favorite implement. I have a serious love/hate relationship with it, lol. Based on how he uses it, it can be a good warm up implement, or a seriously effective implement. It stingssssss. This one was just counting as well.

Of course, Colin is evil, and decided to do it all bare. Plus there was a picture promised, so here are the results of the LOL Day Spanking:

That's the new paddle from Blondie, that I won at Rogue's blog. Thanks to both of you. Although Colin thanks you more! ;)

Colin thanks all you commenters from LOL day. Me on the other hand, I love the comments .. but really guys!? Lol, I'm just kidding. You're all great, and I'm so thankful to have people reading this blog, commenting on this blog, and maybe learning a thing or two, or just getting some laughs. I'm so glad I started this blog, it's been so great.

The last topic for this post, is the Spanko Advent Calendar! If you haven't seen the post, head over to it here, Spanko Advent Calendar 2013 and check it out! Colin and I did the activity for Dec 1st last night, and tonight we're planning on doing the activity for Dec 2nd, which is going over the rules while otk. Time for a bit of a brush up. ;)

For those who have seen the Calendar, is there a day you're looking forward to the most? I'd love to hear what you can't wait for!

Spanko Advent Calendar 2013!

Yay, so excited to post this! Today is December 1st, and It's also when my Spanko Advent Calendar starts!

Here's the Spanko Calendar 2013! Remember, this is full of activities for you guys to actually participate in! Something to help forget about the stress of the Holidays, and focus on the fun of the holiday season! Do as many as you can, or as few as you wish. The choice is yours!

Feel free to share the picture and link to this post, so that people can join in on the fun! It's not necessary at all to share, but if you want to - I'd love it, and very much appreciate it of course! I'm going to include a picture below that you can use on either your sidebar, or just in a post. Also, lots of thanks to Jason's Girl for helping me out with some of these ideas! ;)

If you do want to share the image, just go to your layout section of your blog, add a gadget, find the option to add an image, and then just add it from there. Link to this post if you want, and it'll be all set. Again, totally not necessary, just want to give the option. And of course I'll be thankful. :)

I'll make sure to put this post up a couple times throughout December, so everyone who wants to, can join in on the fun!

• Dec 1 - Let's start it off with a nice old fashioned hand spanking tonight! Starting things off right.
• Dec 2 - How about some otk time, while reviewing the rules. Just a little brush up to make sure the subs are on the right track. :)
• Dec 3 - Are you on the naughty or nice list this year? Ask your Hoh what he thinks, and receive either a good girl spanking, or a naughty girl spanking. ;)
• Dec 4 - Wednesday Wackiness! Time to find a wacky new implement, bonus points if it's holiday themed! A cute Xmas spoon perhaps?
• Dec 5 - Mistletoes aren't just for kissing anymore! Each time your sub walks underneath it, they've earned themselves one swat!
• Dec 6 - Friday Challenge! Find a new place to be spanked. Either a new position, or new location. Something you haven't done before.
• Dec 7 - Secret Santa Saturday! Write a sexy note to each other, and stick it in each others purse/pocket. Read it while you're not with each other!
• Dec 8 - Choose your favorite Christmas movie. The catch? Lie over his lap, or kneel beside him for part of the film. He gets to choose how long.
• Dec 9 - Sugar and spice, and everything nice. What can you do to spice things up? Try out one of your fantasies tonight and make sure to have FUN with it! ;)
• Dec 10 - How about some mini x-rated stockings for each other. Nothing extravagant, just some sexy panties or some sexy bedroom coupons. Make it fun!
• Dec 11 - Time for Wednesday Wackiness again! Remember to try a new implement, bonus point for holiday themes! Maybe a candy cane decoration?
• Dec 12 - Tonight *you're* (Damn typo on the calendar!) Santa's naughty little elf, and it's time to do whatever he tells you. ;) Have some fun with it, keep it as tame as you'd like, or make it nice and spicy. The choice is yours, Doms/Hohs.
• Dec 13 - Fridays Challenge again. Think hard, come up with a new exciting location or a new position, it's all up to you. Be creative!
• Dec 14 - Secret Santa time. Hide an implement or a DD/Ds related item where your sub leasts expects it. Her brush in her purse? Some clamps in the glovebox? Give her a certain amount of time to go find it. If she doesn't? Well put it to good use of course!
• Dec 15 - How about a non spanking Christmas activity, for just the two of you. Make a gingerbread house, decorate the tree, whatever you'd like.
• Dec 16 - Guess the cane! Tops/Doms have a cane in one hand, candy cane in the other. Hands behind your back! Subs/Bottoms, pick a hand. Either receive a candy cane treat, or six strokes of the cane.
• Dec 17 - Holiday season means snow and fireplaces, but to make things simpler how about some ice and candle wax? Where you ask? Use your imagination. Switch back and forth between the two, for an interesting night!
• Dec 18 - Our last Wednesday Wackiness. Think real hard, make it good! A new implement, even better if it's holiday themed. How about a nice red paddle?
• Dec 19 - We all know Rudolph has a bright red nose. How about tonight the subs bottom matches that bright red color. Maybe pull a hairbrush out for this one. ;) Remember, the closer to Rudolph's nose, the better! 
• Dec 20 - Our last Friday Challenge. Last chance to get creative. In a park, in the woods, up against a wall, make this one count!
• Dec 21 - It's our last Secret Santa Saturday. Homemade presents are always the best. Make something for each other, wrap it up, and put it under the tree. No opening until Christmas morning! Be as corny as you can with this one.
• Dec 22 - Last Sunday, you might have made a gingerbread house, or decorated the tree. This time, decorate your partner. Icing, whipped cream, make it festive.
• Dec 23 - "He knows if you've been bad or good, so be good for your bottoms sake!" Agree on a favorite holiday song, and come up with your own spanko jingle. If you have a blog, turn it into a post! 
• Dec 24 - Forget the letter to Santa, each write a letter to each other about DD/Ds. How has it helped and what needs improvement. The catch? No opening it up until next Christmas Eve!
• Dec 25 - Christmas Day! I know it's not DD/Ds related, but I think this is a very essential component to DD/Ds. LOVE! Tell your Hoh, Dom, Sub, Tih, how much you love them. Tell your family, your friends, your kids, someone you haven't talked to in a while. Use this day to appreciate those around you. Have a Merry Spanking Christmas!

Some Eye Candy & Christian Grey Disappointment

TTWD isn't exactly back to where i'd like it to be yet, but that's no ones fault. Colin has been working extremely long hours, and we just haven't had much time for anything DD related. I know things will eventually settle down, and get back to normal, and I love him for always reminding me of that. He told me we need to go over the rules again, I have to get back into my submissive mind set, and I have to start answering him properly. Yes Sir, No Sir, etc. Now we just need the time to be able to .. get back on track.

For now, I thought rather than rambling on about the same old stuff, i'd do a little eye candy post.

Update to this post: I am extremely disappointed in the Christian Grey announcement that was just recently made. Jamie Dornan has been cast as the new Mr.Grey. I don't know what is wrong with whoever chose this one, but I have yet to come across a picture, where this man looks even a little bit, like someone who could play Christian. In fact, he really reminds me of the actor from house, the exact opposite of Christian Grey in my mind. On the left is Hugh Laurie from House, on the right is Jamie Dorner, the new Christian Grey. Blah!

Enjoy the photos. ;)

I love this one!

Very true!

Yes, Sir!

Hmm, I kind of agree.

Being spanked with someone else.

Her reactions. His arm. Nice.

Um, Hot!

Interesting position. Scary paddle!

I think we've all done this a time or two!

Holding her hand in place.

Hope you liked them! Any favorites? :) Also, what do you guys think of the new Christian? I actually came across ONE photo where he looks like he could pull it off, so maybe they'll pull their movie magic? I'm not sure I even want to see the movie at this point!