That's one of the things I love about blogging. Other people get what you're writing about, they get how you're feeling, and they encourage you to keep on going. It's a nice place to be able to vent. (A little foreshadowing there.. beware of the venting.)
Anywayyy.. I have to say the DD flame is not exactly burning strong right now, but we're working on it. Colin has let some things slide, and I haven't exactly been too submissive lately, but it's getting a little bit better.
We're both SO busy that when I get home from practice at 8pm, or he gets home from work between 8 and 9, we just want to relax, eat dinner, watch tv, and play with the kitty! *The actual animal kitty guys - geeez get your minds out of the gutter. ;)*
We did have our talk after I wrote my last post. He came home with the list he wrote of things he wanted to talk about, and he seemed very serious and stern about all of it. It seemed like it would be a good start to things, and it was .. but it hasn't really gone much further than that.
Colin does manual labor all day, so when he gets home he's tired. I get that, I really do. I understand that sometimes he'd like to just relax, unwind, or even sometimes go to bed early, rather than having to deal with lecturing me, spanking me, etc. I understand that that's life and there will be those times.
BUT.. on the flip side, I think sometimes when you're trying to get something back up and running, you need to put that stuff aside and just do it. I mean, if I haven't been sticking to the rules, if I've had an attitude, if I've done something that deserves discipline, suck up your tiredness and just put me over your knee already!
Don't get me wrong, Colin is not the only part to the problem, and I'll admit that. I know people say Dominance comes from submission, and that makes sense, but I need his Dominance to bring out my submission.
I don't deliberately disobey, talk back, break rules, etc, but I also don't pay too much attention to them. For example, I know I'm supposed to drink a certain amount of water each day, or watch my cursing, or even just do things around the house when I'm home, but for the most part, I don't put in the effort.
Like I said, it's not deliberate. I don't do it to get a reaction from him, but I also tell myself that I most likely won't see a reaction from him. Sure, I might get a warning, or the threat of a spanking, but the follow through is not there.
I want to repeat that I understand he's tired, I understand he works LONG hours this time of the year and he gets stressed and exhausted. I'm not trying to complain about him at all. I'm really not. I guess I'm just trying to figure it all out.
Colin is the absolute best man I know. He's such an amazing husband, provider, friend, etc. He makes me feel completely loved, safe, protected, and happy. He literally makes me smile and laugh multiple times a day, and I would never change any of that. If we had to live without DD, our relationship would still be the best thing I could ever ask for in my whole entire life.
DD/Ds just adds to that greatness. It adds to the closeness, to the intimacy, to the love. It literally adds a whole other element to the marriage. Like I said, our relationship would be perfectly fine without it, but that doesn't mean I want to be without it.
I don't know what the answer is, or how to get back to how we both want things to be. It's not a question of whether or not he wants this. I know he wants this. Badly. When I really think about it, I can't say that DD isn't there. For example, I have the day off today and he told me a few things he wanted me to do while he was at work. One of those things was to clean a certain part of our couch that we tend to use as somewhat of a storage space. I just got a text from him saying, "How's the couch looking, young lady?" Or yesterday, I asked him to grab me something from the kitchen, and he gave me that look - right away I knew I forgot to add Sir to my sentence. So DD is still there. I guess what's missing is the follow through, and that's SO important to me. Like the picture I posted says, sometimes a girl just needs to be spanked! ;)
We'll get there, I know we will. It'll take time, patience, work, and probably a couple of arguments here and there. But it'll all be worth it.
On a happier note - he made a purchase the other day that we're both very excited to try out. It's something called Oh Mi Bod. Here's the link for anyone who wants to check it out.
OhMiBod
Hopefully we'll try it out sometime soon, and I'll be able to give a few more details next time I update. :)
One other thing I wanted to mention is that I have this messaging app called KIK, that I use to talk to some DD friends and it stopped working on my old phone. I just got a new phone, so I've re downloaded it and am now able to use it again - yay!
Love chatting to old, and new DD friends.. so If any of you have the app, or want to get it and say hi - feel free. You don't have to put in any personal info or anything, so it's nice and safe!
My name on there is kenziex0x0
Hopefully I'll talk to some of you there. :)
