My perfect HOH isn't from a book or a movie

Hi everyone!! Ugh, I've really missed this blog! Things have been so busy lately and I really haven't had any time to get on here. To be honest, I also just didn't really have much inspiration, and I felt as if I was always writing about the ups and downs going on and blah blah blah. I kinda figured everyone was getting tired of reading the same old stuff, and just felt as if I didn't have much to say.

Well I still don't have anything to say that's completely different than what I used to write about, but I figured who cares. This blog used to help me SO much. It was a way to get my feelings out, a way for Colin to really know how I was feeling, and a way to keep connected with some people. SOO - I might not say the most interesting, or useful things.. but here I am. Back, and ready to start writing again. Writing AND reading.. I need to catch up with everyone and their blogs, and I'm so sorry for being so out of the loop!!

So, what's new with us. Well, we're still going through the struggles of DD. The ups, the downs, the highs, the lows, and all the damn twists and turns that seem to always be there. We've had a few of those break through moments, whether it be a spanking, or just a simple conversation, and I think we've both learned a lot about ourselves and each other. One thing I learned is that I came into this thing with all these crazy expectations. I had done research, watched videos, read books, etc, and had the perfect idea of what DD was supposed to be. What the perfect HOH was supposed to be. Basically how perfect this lifestyle was supposed to be. A few years into this, I feel like the best piece of advice I could give to someone new is to forget the expectations!

Yes, you need to know what interests you. What you like, what you don't like. What you want to explore, what your limits are, etc. BUT don't make up this perfect Dom/HOH in your head and expect your guy to just snap his fingers and turn into him. I'm so extremely lucky that Colin was so open to this lifestyle, and so open to learning all about it. I've come to realize that my perfect HOH isn't someone out of a book, or a video, but instead it's Colin. It's the man that is so willing to figure this out with me, and go through this crazy ride with me. He may not be perfect, I know I'm far from perfect, and we both have A LOT of things to work on, but I wouldn't want anyone else and he's perfect for me!

I'm not saying I don't still have my moments where I just want to give up on DD, and where I'm emotionally drained.. because there are still plenty of those. The difference is that I know eventually we will get there. We will find what works for us. We'll go through a whole lot more twists and turns, but we'll get through them. I've come to really appreciate the gentle Dominance that seems to come so naturally for him. Playing with my hair, holding me, comforting me, really just loving me. That's not to say I don't crave the other side of his Dominance as well - the strict, non lenient type of Dominance, but I know he has that side too. I just need to see it a little bit more. ;)

So basically, I just want to say thank you to Colin for being so willing, so open, and MY perfect hoh. I know I can be difficult and a pain in the butt at times, but just know that I appreciate you so much.

On another note - we got to meet up with some DD friends again for a few nights and I can't even put into words how amazing those get togethers are. The people we've met have turned into family, and I honestly couldn't ask for a better support system. We're able to share vanilla times, have crazy DD conversations, openly talk about spanking, and laugh practically the whole time we're together. I'm so lucky to have met such great people through such a crazy topic.

Sorry for the kinda sappy post, but It's just how I was feeling tonight. I think for the next post it's time for some Dr. Seuss spanking poetry - SOOO what poem would you like to see turned into a spanko version? If you guys have any suggestions, I'll use one of them for my next post!

Reconnection Spankings & A Fresh Start

Ahhh I've seriously missed this blog! Work and life has just been crazy and unfortunately I haven't had any time to keep up with it. :(

Besides writing in my own blog, I really miss reading how everyone else is doing! I can't wait to catch up over the next couple of days.

Colin and I hit a bit of a rough patch with DD over the past 6 months or so, and I honestly didn't know how (or if at all) we were going to be able to get back into things. Our relationship was still great, but we both knew it was lacking something.

I sort of just accepted the fact that with work going the way it was, and Colin working around 60-80 hours a week it had to take a bit of a back seat. I trusted that eventually we would get back to where we needed to be, but as more time passed, I started to lose hope a little bit. I knew Colin wanted DD, and it wasn't lacking because of interest... but there was just nothing we could really do about it.

Soooo, we sort of let it go for a bit, but then finally decided to sit and talk about it and figure out how to get back on track. He expressed his concerns, I expressed mine, and it really helped us start fresh.

His main thing was that he was over thinking everythingggg. Would the spanking be enough if he got home at 10pm and it was only a 5 minute long thing? Would he live up to the Hoh I needed him to be? Would he be able to be consistent enough? Would I be understanding if things still got in the way from time to time?

For me, it was more about.. will I be able to be submissive after so long? Will I be able to let him take the lead? Will I trust him to take our relationship where it needed to be? Would I be able to be understanding if things did still get in the way, and not get annoyed when it happened?

Basically there were a lot of questions going through our minds that made it difficult to step back into our roles. Once we talked about those things, and were able to be completely open and honest with each other, we were able to figure it out together.

Another thing that helped immensely was that we were lucky enough to have a weekend get together with some old DD friends, while meeting some new ones as well! I honestly can not put into words, how thankful I am to have these people in our lives. They are all SO understanding, helpful, sweet, and most of all genuine. I loveeee when we're all able to get together, and can't wait until the next time! :)

Something that helped us a lot, was that during that weekend, we all discussed some DD questions and were able to listen to different responses, different thoughts, and different perspectives. Honestly, that moment was probably the biggest eye opener for both of us when it comes to our DD relationship. 

Once we got home, Colin decided we needed some role affirmation/maintenance. Starting last night, we'll be having 3 nights worth of spankings. Last night was a great start..other than the fact that I forgot how much that damn paddle hurts!!! I feel like such a weight has been lifted from my shoulders, and I feel closer to Colin than ever. I don't want to jinx it, and I know real life can and WILL get in the way - but I think we'll be able to handle it a lot better from here on out.

He's also mentioned wanting to come up with some assignments/daily activities to keep me feeling submissive. Has anyone else done anything like that? What are some things your hoh has had you do, that helped you feel submissive day to day?

It is seriously a resolution of mine to make more time for this blog, so hopefully I'll be writing again soon. Can't wait to catch up on everyone else's blogs and see how everyone has been. Everyone having a good 2015? Hope it hasn't looked like this picture yet. ;)

Expectations in a DD relationship

What do you expect from your Hoh in your DD relationship? What do you think they expect from you?

Colin and I had a fairly long talk the other night, and those are the questions that came up. What are the expectations? What do I need? What does he need? Are our expectations realistic?

When I first started DD, I half expected it to be like a story fairytale you read in a DD book. Where my HOH will say everything right, do everything right, discipline me every time I need it, and pretty much be able to read my mind. Right away he will know what pushes my buttons, what my triggers are, what words or phrases really get to me, what implements to use - I could go on forever.

Over time, I realized it's not very much like what you read in this books, but it IS possible to make it your own fairytale. A fairytale full of paddles and wooden spoons, rather than princesses and tiaras of course. ;)

We've had some serious ups and downs since we started this, I'm not the most naturally submissive sub, and Colin has some big time consistency issues, but I need to remind myself of how lucky I am. When I brought this all up to Colin, he was pretty much vanilla. Sure, he had a kinky side to him, but the whole DD thing was a brand new concept to him. He's been SO incredibly open to it, so willing to embrace it, and so eager to work at it. What more could I ask for? I know we hit a bit of a rough patch, but we're moving forward and making this whole DD fairytale our own.

He asked me to write up something with what I need/expect from him as my Hoh/Dominant, and what I think he needs from me as his Tih/Sub, so I figured I'd write it down in this post.

What I need from Colin:

• Consistency/Confidence - sticking to any punishments that you see fit, and following through with rules/consequences. Being confident in your role.
• Structure - A clear list of rules for me to follow.
• Less leniency - making a punishment a punishment. Not being easy on me all the time.
• Dominance outside of discipline - Make every day decisions. Of course discuss it with me, and ask for my opinions and thoughts - but have the final word be yours.
• Gentle Dominance - Cuddling, taking care of me, little things like playing with my hair, aftercare.
• Alternative punishments - When spanking can't be done, or even sometimes just in place of a spanking; corner time, writing assignments, early bedtime, whatever you see as fair.

What I think Colin needs from me:

• Respect - Respect your decisions, and just respect you in general.
• Obeying - Not arguing when you decide on a punishment. Getting over your knee, rather than putting up a fight. 
• Letting you finish a spanking - If you accidentaly spank me too low, or too high, talk to you after the punishment, rather than getting all pissed and arguing during it.
• Trusting you - Trust that you'll take the lead, and you will take care of things as you see fit.
• Communication - If I feel like you let something go or if I broke a rule - talk to you about it. Don't keep it in inside.
• Be more comfortable - Know that you love my body, and even if I have insecurities, remember that you love me and like what you see.

I'm sure these lists will change overtime, and maybe things will be added or taken away, but that's what I have for now. Hopefully typing it out will help both of us get to where we want to be.

As for a different topic, are you guys excited for LOL day?! I can't wait, and Colin and I decided we might be doing a giveaway of some sort, so all you lurkers, get ready to de-lurk! ;)

Hope everyone had a happy halloween! What'd you all dress up as? I'd love to hear all about your costumes!

Maintenance Mishaps

Things are still all in all (for the most part,) going pretty well for us ttwd/dd wise.  Knock on wood.

Although, that doesn't mean there aren't a few bumps here and there.  As a matter of fact, the past couple days have just been one giant bump in the road.

We have a book that i'm supposed to write in when certain things don't get done.  If I haven't been to the gym, if I haven't been drinking my water, if he tells me to do something that doesn't get done .. you get the picture.  I've been doing pretty good with writing in it when I need to, yet Colin hasn't been so great about checking it.  Basically he said that he'll make sure to check it daily after work.  If there's something major, it should be taken care of that night, and if there are just some little things, we'll address it during maintenance, which we decided to use every Sunday.

Well, not only has he not been checking it, but maintenance has pretty much .. gone to hell.  For the book, it really bothers me, because if i'm taking the time to write it down, i'm kind of putting it in his hands to check the book, and deal with it as necessary.  Well, that hasn't been happening.  I could most likely deal with that, if he made up for it with sticking to maintenance and just addressing the issues then.  We decided on using maintenance a while back, and honestly I think we've done it ... maybe twice?  In his defense, he has a bad shoulder so he's not always in the best position to be able to give a spanking, and I 100 percent totally understand that.  However, it becomes an issue, for me, when he just doesn't even bring it up.

For example, during the day on Sunday I was a little bit moody.  I'm honestly a very sweet, caring, loving person, but if you do something to genuinely hurt me, a close friend, family members, my husband, etc .. well you'll see a different side of me.  I can be a bitch, and I also tend to not let things go.  Not a good trait, I know.  I let people get to me pretty easily.

I apparently also have a sidetracking issue. :p

Anyway, back to the original point.  Sunday was full of cursing for me.  Colin understands that he can't expect me to not curse AT ALL, but we agreed that I need to cut back on it.  We pretty much decided that in certain situations he'll let it slide, but if he warns me about it, and tells me it needs to stop - that's when it needs to stop.  I got that warning Sunday, and it still didn't stop.  He decided to resort to having me write lines.  Not fun at all.  I was supposed to take a picture of them and post them here, but honestly I have no idea where they are right now, so i'll just say that I had to write two pages front and back, "I will not curse Sir."

So it certainly seemed like he was filling out those HoH shoes pretty well.  Sunday night rolled along, and he told me his shoulder was really killing him and he wasn't sure he'd be able to do maintenance.  He said since he wasn't able to do it that night, he was going to move it to Monday night and it'd get done then.  That was fine with me.  I wouldn't ever want him doing it when he was in pain .. never.  I also really liked the fact that not only did he explain it wasn't going to be able to happen, but he postponed it, rather than just forgetting about it completely.

Well Monday night comes along, and not even a mention of it.  Granted, he came home from work, we ate dinner, watched a few of our shows, and then before you know it, it goes from 5 pm to 10 pm in a matter of a couple minutes.  I would have been okay with it if he talked to me about it before bed, and let me know his shoulder was still in pain and that we'd skip it this week, but take care of maintenance next week for sure.  Honestly, that would have been fine.  But, no .. instead he just doesn't say a word about it, which gets me angry, annoyed, let down, etc .. which causes an argument.  Every time it's time for maintenance it just seems to be like .. is this really happening again?

Then I get even more annoyed, because isn't TTWD/DD supposed to help?  Isn't it suppose to make things better?  Easier?  Well if we're fighting BECAUSE of it, then what's the point?

We were able to talk it out this afternoon, and came to a solution, but just going through it is tiring.  Especially when it's not the first time it's happened.  Not the second, third, hell not even the fourth.  It's a recurring thing.

We pretty much decided that I was going to just let it go.  He apologized for not bringing it up, and said he just assumed (well babe, we know what happens when you assume!) that I would realize it was because of his shoulder, and that it wouldn't be an issue.  He agreed that next time he needs to make some mention of it, and at least talk about it with me.  I agreed that rather than arguing and yelling at him if it happens again, i'll be able to calmly talk to him about why i'm upset.

The ending of our text about the topic was this:

"Fine, but if you talk to me the way you did, or don't do what you're supposed to do, you're going to get punished.  Whether it's spanking, lines, corner, or anything else I choose to punish you with."

"Ok." (That probably should have been a Yes, Sir ..whoops)

"And Sunday, whenever I say, you'll get over my knee."

We'll see what happens Sunday.  I'm going to try and not stress about it, and just leave it in his hands to do what needs to be done.

I've been trying to think of ways to go about maintenance for the times when his shoulder just isn't feeling good enough to spank me.  I don't think writing lines would work, because what's he going to have me write .. "This is maintenance," over and over.  Um, nope.  I'm not sure about the corner.  I guess it could work, even if he were to have me stand there for five minutes or whatever.  It would probably be decently effective as maintenance if he kind of lectured while I was in the corner.  Just reminding me of things I need to do that week, what will happen if I don't, etc.  So far, that's all I can come up with.

Does anyone have any suggestions?  Have there been times when spanking wasn't able to happen for one reason or another so you had to resort to something else?  I'd love to hear how other people have worked through this, or if it has never been an issue, how do you see yourself working through it?

I'm sure we'll figure it out.  It takes time and patience ..  I just hope we figure it out sooner than later.

*Another totally random question, and you guys will probably think i'm crazy by the way.  I notice when reading my post after it's published that there are spots where there's a random indent for some words.  It's not that way while writing the post, yet when I notice it on the published post it drives me crazy - anyone ever notice it before or know why it does that? .. I might be a little ocd with that kind of stuff, lol.*