Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Maintenance Mishaps

Things are still all in all (for the most part,) going pretty well for us ttwd/dd wise.  Knock on wood.

Although, that doesn't mean there aren't a few bumps here and there.  As a matter of fact, the past couple days have just been one giant bump in the road.

We have a book that i'm supposed to write in when certain things don't get done.  If I haven't been to the gym, if I haven't been drinking my water, if he tells me to do something that doesn't get done .. you get the picture.  I've been doing pretty good with writing in it when I need to, yet Colin hasn't been so great about checking it.  Basically he said that he'll make sure to check it daily after work.  If there's something major, it should be taken care of that night, and if there are just some little things, we'll address it during maintenance, which we decided to use every Sunday.

Well, not only has he not been checking it, but maintenance has pretty much .. gone to hell.  For the book, it really bothers me, because if i'm taking the time to write it down, i'm kind of putting it in his hands to check the book, and deal with it as necessary.  Well, that hasn't been happening.  I could most likely deal with that, if he made up for it with sticking to maintenance and just addressing the issues then.  We decided on using maintenance a while back, and honestly I think we've done it ... maybe twice?  In his defense, he has a bad shoulder so he's not always in the best position to be able to give a spanking, and I 100 percent totally understand that.  However, it becomes an issue, for me, when he just doesn't even bring it up.

For example, during the day on Sunday I was a little bit moody.  I'm honestly a very sweet, caring, loving person, but if you do something to genuinely hurt me, a close friend, family members, my husband, etc .. well you'll see a different side of me.  I can be a bitch, and I also tend to not let things go.  Not a good trait, I know.  I let people get to me pretty easily.

I apparently also have a sidetracking issue. :p

Anyway, back to the original point.  Sunday was full of cursing for me.  Colin understands that he can't expect me to not curse AT ALL, but we agreed that I need to cut back on it.  We pretty much decided that in certain situations he'll let it slide, but if he warns me about it, and tells me it needs to stop - that's when it needs to stop.  I got that warning Sunday, and it still didn't stop.  He decided to resort to having me write lines.  Not fun at all.  I was supposed to take a picture of them and post them here, but honestly I have no idea where they are right now, so i'll just say that I had to write two pages front and back, "I will not curse Sir."


So it certainly seemed like he was filling out those HoH shoes pretty well.  Sunday night rolled along, and he told me his shoulder was really killing him and he wasn't sure he'd be able to do maintenance.  He said since he wasn't able to do it that night, he was going to move it to Monday night and it'd get done then.  That was fine with me.  I wouldn't ever want him doing it when he was in pain .. never.  I also really liked the fact that not only did he explain it wasn't going to be able to happen, but he postponed it, rather than just forgetting about it completely.

Well Monday night comes along, and not even a mention of it.  Granted, he came home from work, we ate dinner, watched a few of our shows, and then before you know it, it goes from 5 pm to 10 pm in a matter of a couple minutes.  I would have been okay with it if he talked to me about it before bed, and let me know his shoulder was still in pain and that we'd skip it this week, but take care of maintenance next week for sure.  Honestly, that would have been fine.  But, no .. instead he just doesn't say a word about it, which gets me angry, annoyed, let down, etc .. which causes an argument.  Every time it's time for maintenance it just seems to be like .. is this really happening again?


Then I get even more annoyed, because isn't TTWD/DD supposed to help?  Isn't it suppose to make things better?  Easier?  Well if we're fighting BECAUSE of it, then what's the point?

We were able to talk it out this afternoon, and came to a solution, but just going through it is tiring.  Especially when it's not the first time it's happened.  Not the second, third, hell not even the fourth.  It's a recurring thing.

We pretty much decided that I was going to just let it go.  He apologized for not bringing it up, and said he just assumed (well babe, we know what happens when you assume!) that I would realize it was because of his shoulder, and that it wouldn't be an issue.  He agreed that next time he needs to make some mention of it, and at least talk about it with me.  I agreed that rather than arguing and yelling at him if it happens again, i'll be able to calmly talk to him about why i'm upset.

The ending of our text about the topic was this:

"Fine, but if you talk to me the way you did, or don't do what you're supposed to do, you're going to get punished.  Whether it's spanking, lines, corner, or anything else I choose to punish you with."

"Ok." (That probably should have been a Yes, Sir ..whoops)

"And Sunday, whenever I say, you'll get over my knee."

We'll see what happens Sunday.  I'm going to try and not stress about it, and just leave it in his hands to do what needs to be done.

I've been trying to think of ways to go about maintenance for the times when his shoulder just isn't feeling good enough to spank me.  I don't think writing lines would work, because what's he going to have me write .. "This is maintenance," over and over.  Um, nope.  I'm not sure about the corner.  I guess it could work, even if he were to have me stand there for five minutes or whatever.  It would probably be decently effective as maintenance if he kind of lectured while I was in the corner.  Just reminding me of things I need to do that week, what will happen if I don't, etc.  So far, that's all I can come up with.

Does anyone have any suggestions?  Have there been times when spanking wasn't able to happen for one reason or another so you had to resort to something else?  I'd love to hear how other people have worked through this, or if it has never been an issue, how do you see yourself working through it?

I'm sure we'll figure it out.  It takes time and patience ..  I just hope we figure it out sooner than later.

*Another totally random question, and you guys will probably think i'm crazy by the way.  I notice when reading my post after it's published that there are spots where there's a random indent for some words.  It's not that way while writing the post, yet when I notice it on the published post it drives me crazy - anyone ever notice it before or know why it does that? .. I might be a little ocd with that kind of stuff, lol.*

39 comments:

  1. HI Kenzie

    When Bobbie can't get spanked which is a lot now because her dad lives with us. I take things that she likes to do away from her such as the internet, reading, playing in facebook etc.
    It has the desired effects to bring her back down to earth.

    Bob

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    1. Hi Bob! I was just saying to Colin the other day that I had missed your comments. :) It's always nice to hear from you. That's a good suggestion, thanks!

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  2. Yeah inconsistency. Sadly, it has been going on in our little world too, and was just addressed this weekend again. Glad we reconnected, but still so hard to deal with. I want to be the submissive wife who doesn't nag, but after two weeks of hinting for a spanking, one would think he would have gotten it? But no, it took me totally loosing it, lol. Good luck!

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    1. It really seems like inconsistency is something 99.9% of us can relate to. I'm sure it's hell on the Doms/Spankers/etc to keep up with it all, but it's something that is pretty darn important. A few times it has come down to me totally losing it as well - next time i'd like to get there without losing it though, lol.

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  3. HI Kenzie,

    The paragraphing indent is there because you've started a new paragraph without leaving a line space ;)

    Callie

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    1. Hey Callie, thanks for the tip! The thing is (this is a little hard to explain, so im sorry lol) when i'm writing the entry, the part that indents when I end up posting it, isn't even a new paragraph it. In the entry as i'm writing it, it's just a random part of the paragraph im currently typing. Does that make any sense?

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  4. Hi Kenzie,

    I am sorry that his shoulder hurts so much. Can he use his other arm?

    I have another suggestion for Sunday that could save his arm,but you may hate the idea. He could use an acrylic cane, 12 swats would be plenty. Most of the action is from the wrist and not the shoulder. The strokes should be given with about a ten second gap between each.

    But, he must read your book each night. If you take the time, he must read it. Good luck with that.

    Thanks for sharing your progress.

    Hug,
    joey

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    1. Thanks for the tip Joey! I read this comment to him, and he said he wants me to look for one. Is an acrylic cane 'better' than wood or whatever a typical cane is made of?

      I agree that he needs to read the book, especially if i'm taking the time to write in it. I think he realized that and will hopefully make more of an effort. :)

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    2. It is easier to handle and inexpensive. But, it does give quite a sting.

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  5. Hi Kenzie! Thanks for joining my blog, I will do the same with yours. :) I read your post and know exactly where you're coming from. We have been through that same issue so many times! I don't think our husbands understand how hurt, disappointed, lost, and unloved we feel when they "forget" to do what they say they will do, no matter what the reason is.

    In my case, I searched for blog posts like yours and asked my HOH to please read it. After reading a few posts and seeing that it's not just me feeling this way he started to understand more. Also, I pointed out specific articles at learningdomesticdiscipline.com (a great teaching site) which helped a lot.

    We too get into the habit of having dinner and watching our shows and then it's time to go to bed. We weren't making time for each other. We talked about that and now we go to bed a bit earlier, turn on a soft light and we go to bed and just talk. We never know what we're going to say but we always wind up talking about things that never would have come up if we hadn't made the time.

    We do maintenance on Sunday also. I know for my husband that he usually gets "excited" if you know what I mean while spanking me. I think that really helps with consistency because there is definitely something in it for him too.

    In your husbands case, his shoulder pain or any pain for that matter would definitely stall things here so I can see the problem for you. I am putting together a post just for you about various ways to discipline when the spanker is unable for various reasons.

    Let's stay in touch!!

    Lily

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    1. Lily,

      I can't wait to see that post. I love seeing your picture posts, and they keep DH's interest much better than long blog posts. (Didn't mean you Kenzie, just in general...:))

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    2. Hey Lily, thanks for stopping by and for the advice! I really don't think they do get how it makes us feel .. I think in their hands it not as big of a deal. I admit, I can be a bit needy when it comes to this stuff, lol.

      Oh i'm so excited to read your post, i'm going to head over to your blog as soon as i'm done responding to comments! Thanks so much for making a post about that.. and yes let's stay in touch!

      Feel free to email me .. I always love talking to others on places besides the blog .. ddcouple26@gmail.com

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  6. Hi Kenzie,
    Thank you for stoping by my blog and joining.

    I'm sorry about his shoulder, my husband also has some pain in his spanking shoulder, huh, I wonder if it could be a spanker injury! Lol. But it hasn't been a problem where he hasn't been able to spank me yet.

    I do get where your frustration comes from when they assume we know. Rog does the same thing and it drives me nuts. Hang in there and just keep talking.
    Kim

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    1. Lol hmm spanker injuries! Now that'd be funny! I'm glad it hasn't gotten to the point where he can't spank because of it .. Colin just got his mri results back and they basically said it doesn't look like there's much going on, so they can't do anything. Doesn't make sense, because it bothers him so much he can barely sleep at night, so we'll see.

      Thanks for the comment though. :)

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  7. Hi Kenzie,
    I'm out looking for new blogs to read and stumbled upon yours.

    I can say, personally, I hate maintenance. The idea for us is to cut back on my stress and keep my head in the right place. He is inconsistent for different, very reasonable reasons. When that inconsistently becomes consistent, I just get more stressed out. i don't want the spanking but if he says he is going to do it, I prepare myself for it and it never happens. I get all angsty and everything goes haywire. Makes no sense and makes me question my sanity but it seems to be that way for most of us.

    I don't know what he could do as a replacement besides use his other arm. Maybe you guys should rethink what your idea of maintenance is and fit something into it that way?

    Eh, I have no clue but good luck!

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    1. It makes total sense to me! Lol, that's the great thing about these blogs - what makes no sense to us, ends up making sense to a lot of others. I think even though situations may be different, a lot of us have the same feelings towards things. Geez, did that even make any sense? Lol.

      Anyways, thanks so much for stopping by. :)

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  8. Hi Kenzie, I just finished a post I wrote just for you and your situation. I hope it is of help to you and your HOH. I wish all the best to you!

    Discipline Options For Those With Physical Limitations

    http://aspankedwifesphotoblog.blogspot.com/2013/04/types-of-punishments-for-those-with.html

    Lily

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    1. You are awesome! Thanks so much, Lily! About to head over now. :)

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  9. I, like Joey, have a suggestion that you better think about before suggesting. He mentioned something similar to what I was thinking. My husband has not used a switch on me, but I did get it a few times growing up. It takes the least little wrist movement, a little light tap, to sting like the dickens. I'm telling you it is a very memorable sting, so before you suggest it to your husband, you should think hard and long about it. I hope it all works out for you and yours. God bless you and all you love, =Belle L.

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    1. Oh yikes, I never thought of that. Is that something you could buy on a site, or something you'd pretty much have to make? Thanks for the suggestion. :)

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    2. I don't know about purchasing. My parents just took it off a tree. I think the fact that it isn't dried out and hard, but flexable is what makes it sting so dang much. Only a couple of times.. one time I remember was when my siblings and I and our cousins found a oil can with some oil still in it. We decided to build a fire in the garage. Just a little one. It singed my cousin's eyelashes. When his mom asked, the youngest squealed. My dad and their dad decided it was serious enough for switches. Ouch.. Let me tell you, it is very OUCHIE. On a side note. My dad lost everything in a fire, when he was a kid, so playing with matches was probably the worst thing we could do, in his opinion. Anyway.. Think about it.. Good luck- Belle L.

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  10. Hi Kenzie,

    Sorry you two are having thse issues, I certainly hope it happens this Sunday. It sounds like you got to have a good conversation about it so hopefully it will improve. It's probably key for you to bring it up as soon as you start to get upset about it so things don't build up.

    We have a bit of a different dynamic but when we can't spank right away mostly because we both have kids but don't live together (yet - May 15th is moving Day) Daddy will have me wear nipple clamps under my bra. Its definitely a detterent for sure. Please let us know how it goes this weekend.

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    1. Thanks for comment! Ooh, ouch! Sounds like a detterent for sure! I think Colin would like the idea of that one.

      Aw yay, moving day is soon - I bet youre excited!

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  11. Hi,
    i've only just discovered your blog and felt compelled to comment. This is a punishment/discipline that my previous Master used to keep me inline: He'd have me kneel naked at his feet (for as long as he decided on the day), usually when he was either on the pc or watching tv. If he wanted any snacks or drinks during that time i would have to go and get them whilst still naked then come back to kneel at his feet. and i'm not sure which was most effective: the anticipation of wondering what he might make me do or the humiliation of being ignored whilst totally naked at his feet...
    ...either way, it certainly focused my mind!

    Might be worth a go ;)
    I hope your Husband's shoulder is better soon and you manage to resolve this and end your frustration.
    hugs from a new fan. x
    ~Lil.
    /(",)\

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    1. So glad you found the blog and stopped by. Thanks for commenting! Hm that's an idea I haven't thought of. I'm not sure if it would work for us or not .. I tend to be pretty damn shy, even with my husband, so total nudity for me might make me totally unfocused because i'd just be .. worried. It's an idea to think about though, so thank you! :)

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    2. you're very welcome!
      i do hope you find a solution soon and the frustration doesn't drive you too crazy. :)
      glad to have found you- i will be following avidly to see how things go! ;)
      x

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  12. Hi Kenzie!

    I learned a lot from the Learning Domestic Discipline website as well. Here is a link I found for when the HOH has injuries http://learningdd.blogspot.com/2012/01/domestic-discipline-obstacles-injury.html
    They also have a new site http://learningdd.com/

    I hope this helps! My husband and I struggle with consistency from time to time as well. I know how frustrating it can be.

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    1. Oh thanks so much for that link! A few people have told me about learningdd and I did the free trial thing and really want to join... it seems great!

      Thanks again. :)

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  13. Ok, as sorry as I am that you have to deal with the inconsistency issues...the thing I love about DD wives' blogs is that I realize it's not just me, it's not just DH, it's pretty normal.
    We definitely have the same issue...the shoulder thing, I have that issue too, but I don't have to spank anyone ;)
    What about the silent spanking cream thing I've read about? I've read that some husbands actually keep it in their car for problems in public (eeek!). I know of a few couples that have actually used butt plugs (the wife has to have it in for as long as the HoH says, which I imagine is not a comfortable feeling). I don't think I'd be fond of either option though, I gotta say :P

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    1. You're so right .. I love that about these blogs as well. As much as I don't want others going through those issues, it is so nice to read and realize it's a lot more "normal" than I originally thought!

      Ohhh I don't even know if I want to read this comment to Colin, lol. We've tried Capcaisan (not sure of the spelling) cream before and that thing is E-VIL! I think he forgot about it, because he hasn't mentioned it in a while - not sure i I want to remind him of that, lol.

      He's been curious about using a butt plug but it makes me cringe .. i'm so nervous for that! But I think i'm going to end up having to let go of that nervousness, because it seems to be something he wants to use.

      Thanks for the input! :)

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  14. Hi Kenzie,
    How about using a different implement. You could have the same or worse spanking with less impact on him. Good luck.
    Bea

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    1. Thanks Bea! We're looking into finding a cane. There are so many of them we don't know where to even begin, lol. Thanks :)

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  15. Kenzie, I can totally relate to your husband's shoulder pain.

    "Colin just got his mri results back and they basically said it doesn't look like there's much going on, so they can't do anything. Doesn't make sense, because it bothers him so much he can barely sleep at night"

    I was involved in a car accident which threw me forward forcefully but the seat belt held me in place. Both my shoulders were injured to the point that I couldn't use either arm for about 6 month and the pain continued for almost 2 years.

    At the time I knew there was major damage. MRI's came back essentially ok yet I was totally messed up. On looking back my Dr NOW tells me that I had major soft tissue injuries that are worse than broken bones and take far longer to heal. It also doesn't show up on MRI's.

    So, he is injured but not visibly so. I also couldn't sleep because my shoulders fell back (out of alignment) and pulled on the tissue and muscles as soon as I fell asleep which then woke me up. My husband folded towels just the right height and put them under each shoulder to support them which alleviated the pain and allowed me to sleep.

    One of the things that helped me the most is Aspercream. It really works to get rid of pain!

    Since it's probably soft tissue injury don't do anything that hurts otherwise it will re-injure it. It needs to heal thus needs as much rest as possible. Motrin helped too but it's hard on the stomach.

    I had Dr's that kept telling me to go to physical therapy while I was still injured. I went but it made it all hurt all over again so I finally stopped and then is when I started to heal.

    I hope he is feeling better soon. Also, ICE is his friend. The more he ices his shoulder down the better he will feel because it decreases swelling which allows the arm to move better and with less pain.

    All the best,

    Lily

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    1. Thanks so much for this comment Lily! There are so many great suggestions that i'm really excited to tell Colin about, because they sound like they can really help! I'm going to pick him up some aspercream at the store tomorrow! The doctor wanted him to do a cortizone shot but made it sound pretty scary and said it's not guaranteed to help, so he's not sure he wants to spend the money.

      Again, thanks for this comment .. it's really nice to hear some suggestions, considering the doctor had none!

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  16. Sticking to the schedule and being patient when you can't is really tough. I don't have the answer to that, but I understand how frustrating it can be! I had maintenance seemingly forgotten many times and it made me feel like this wasn't important to him, he didn't care, and on and on. All I can say is keep talking it out because these things do happen.

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    1. As much as I hate hearing how other people have gone/are going through this, it's nice to know it isn't just us! It really is so frustrating, but so far, talking has helped. :) Thanks Lea!

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  17. Hey kenzie
    I recently started dd as well and just wanted to let u know I enjoy reading your blog you have a lot of the same problems my hoh and I have

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    1. Aw thanks ash! It's always nice to hear from new people! I'm glad you enjoy it. :)

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  18. Kenzie! I have the worst swearing habit in the ENTIRE WORLD! Thank God my husband doesn't really mind it because I would die if it became a rule.

    I know how you feel too about the unmentioned inconsistency. I wish I could give you some advice about it but unfortunately, I'm in the same place as you -_-

    Good luck with everything!! XOXO -Stubborn

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