Friday, August 16, 2013

What makes a spanking, a spanking?

Colin and I were talking the other day about some DD stuff, and it gave me an idea for a post.

Now for those who don't know, i'm the one that brought DD/spanking/Ds to Colin, and prior to that he was pretty much on the vanilla side.

I mean, before we were dating, he'd text me once in a while and mention the handcuffs he kept in his car, so I saw the potential for his kinky side, but he wasn't into spanking the way I was.

I'm so thankful that he was so open to it, and that he made me realize you really can turn a vanilla guy into a full out spanko/HOH, but it wasn't always easy. In fact, there are still plenty of times when it is far from easy. There were times i'd just want to scream out certain things, or shake him until he realized it, but I quickly learned he wasn't a mind reader, and I needed to tell him what I needed. Even now, I still have to remind him from time to time, and I get pretty frustrated when it seems certain things go in one ear and out the other. It's not that he doesn't care, or that he forgets, but even though he is now a spanko in my book, he wasn't the one researching spanking from a very young age, so yes, there are still times when sometimes it's not how I envision it.

Secret Spanko, wrote a post with an analogy I really like. You can read it here, http://imasecretspanko.blogspot.com/2011/11/spankings-are-like-hamburgers-and-how_13.html.

Basically, he mentioned how a spanking is like a hamburger. The buns (the bottom) and the meat (the pain,) CAN make a hamburger/spanking, on their own, but without all the other ingredients, it's really not as good as it can get.

He mentions all the other ingredients on his blog, so i'm not going to get into all the details here, because he put it way better than I could. Basically, the big question is, how do you get the whole thing? How do you add all those toppings? So i'm going to answer that question with my own personal answer.

 Everyone is different, so what one person needs could be totally different than what someone else needs, but this is just my personal opinion.

I'm going to list, what I think are the 5 most important things that need to be added to the spanking, to make it effective. And again, this is what makes it effective for me. Everyone is different.

For example, my five favorite toppings on a hamburger?

Pickles
Ketchup
Onion straws
Cheese
More pickles.

So what about spanking? And to clarify, i'm talking about discipline spanking this time around.

1.) The lecture. This is what is the most important for me when it comes to a punishment spanking. I need Colin to get inside my head. I need him to get me thinking about what it is i'm being spanked for, and why it's wrong. Obviously I know why i'm being spanked, and I know WHY it's wrong. I'm 25 years old, I know right from wrong, but that doesn't mean I don't need him to reiterate it. I also need him to ask me questions. That helps with a couple things, but mainly it puts me into a submissive mind set by answering Yes Sir, No Sir, etc. It gets even better, *or worse depending on how you look at it ;)* if Colin asks questions that require more than just a yes or no answer. For example, rather than, "And you're going to be avoid this next time, right?" He could ask, "What are you going to do to make sure this doesn't happen again?" Even better than that, ask me what's going to happen next time I curse, or speed, or xyz. When I have to say, "you'll spank me," or "i'll be punished," that does wonders! Another thing with the lecture is the tone of voice. If you convey the fact that you mean business, and not raise your voice, that's awesome. If I was yelled at, i'd totally withdraw, but if i'm being spoken to, finger put under my chin, lifting up my head so that i'm looking you in the eyes, while you're lecturing me, then i'll listen very well. It's all about the way you go about it.


Looks like a lecture maybe after the spanking in this case?

2.) His Dominance/My submission. This one could really go without saying, but I need to feel his dominance, and I need to show him my submission. This could be shown in such little subtle ways, but those things make all the difference in the world. Anything from him rolling up his sleeve or pulling me down over his lap, to holding my hand down so I can't block the spanks and having me go get the implement that he's going to use. Anything that really gets me realizing that HE is in charge, and i'm not. Those things are super important to me.

Ok, so he's not technically rolling up his sleeves, but it's Matt Bomer, and sexy arms .. and yea, where was I going with this? :p

3.) The buildup/anticipation. Another important one. This one can't necessarily happen all the time, because sometimes a spanking needs to be on the spot, right there and then, but for the ones where you know it's going to happen later on that day, or a day or two from now, anticipation can really work well. Again, this can range from a whole bunch of things. Maybe being sent to the room to wait, whether it be in the corner or bent over the bed. Having to write lines or an essay before the spanking, wondering if you'll have to show it/read it before/during the spanking. Having to wear a certain kind of outfit, or panties. Anything like that. Something that reminds you the spanking is coming.


Waiting for her spanking.

4.) Knowing it's okay to push me sometimes/Embarrassment or humbling feeling. This is a tough one, because it really is different for everyone. What feels like a playful swat to me, could feel like a painful spank to another. For me, I need to be pushed past the point of being comfortable. What I mean by that, is that even though the spanking is hurting like hell, and I really want the pain to go away, I need to be pushed past that point of being sorry because it hurts and brought to the point of being sorry because i'm sorry. Sometimes tears, or just being brought to that point, can be such a good emotional release. Colin could be spanking me for five minutes with the wooden spoon, and I could be squirming, hoping it'll stop soon, but really, deep down, I know I still need the paddle, the strap, and maybe the spoon again. I have a high pain tolerance, but it's more than that for me. It's mainly about being taken to that point that's just slightly over where you think you can go. That might not make sense, but those are the best words I can think of right now to explain it. Another way of not being afraid to push me sometimes, is not being afraid to show me my place. Don't be afraid to mix in a little embarrassment factor in. In fact, I think a little embarrassment is really needed for a punishment to be effective for me. Now I don't mean degrading me or anything like that, and I certainly don't mean spanking me in the middle of a mall for all to see, but a certain amount of embarrassment or just that 'humbling' feeling, for me anyway, is something that can be very effective!

The right kind of embarrassment. 

5.) The aftercare. This is another one that could mean different things to different people, or it can also make a difference depending on the spanking you just got. For me aftercare could mean a bunch of different things. Sometimes I just need a quick hug and a kiss on the forehead, other times I might even need corner time. Sometimes I really like lying in bed with him, cuddling, others i'd rather him rub some lotion on me and give me a few minutes. It all depends, but whatever aftercare means to you, I think it's a biiiiig part of the spanking experience.


Like I said, it's different for everyone, and no two spankees are exactly the same. So what about for you? What makes a spanking effective? What are those extra hamburger toppings that you need to be able to appreciate the whole thing? Thanks again to Secret Spanko for the analogy! :)

42 comments:

  1. Excellent description!!!! You summed it up perfectly!

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    1. Thanks Renee! Glad you liked it. :)

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  2. Love the blog Kenzie. Great Madlibs and loved the remake on the songs lol and this one post in particular I think most of us Tih can relate too :)

    ~HanneSharp

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    1. Aww thanks HS, you're sweet. :) Glad ya liked them!

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  3. You did a great job Explaining Kenzie! Much better then I could. I think all of your hamburger ingredients pretty much sums it up .
    Hugs
    Kim

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    1. Aw thanks Kim. I'm glad you liked it. :)

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  4. Great post Kenzie... I agree with you whole heartedly that just a physical spanking without all the other pieces would not be what I really NEEDED. You explain it really well here and I'm gonna find my way over to read the post that inspired you too!!!

    Bekah

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    1. Thanks Bekah! The post that inspired me is totally worth the read! So are most of his posts actually! :)

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  5. Well done, I think you summed it up really well :)

    I need to feel he really means business when it comes to a spanking, otherwise it just feels unreal and just a chore.

    Loved your post :)

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    1. Oh totally. If I don't feel that he means business, my frame of mind is NOWHERE near being submissive! Thanks Missy. :)

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  6. Great post Kenzie! Very well said, you summed it up beautifully . I love the hamburger analogy and agree the plain 'meat and buns' approach isn't what I need either. I agree with your ingredients, particularly the feelings of Dominance and submission and aftercare.

    Hope you have a wonderful weekend :)

    Hugs,
    Roz

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    1. Aw thanks Roz! I'm glad you liked it. Those ingredients are so important, aren't they? :)

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  7. Hi Kenzie - great food for thought (excuse the pun!) I think the toppings vary for each couple, but there are definitely more ingredients than the simple meat and bread, we're still working on the best combination!
    hugs
    DF

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    1. Haha DF, I looove the pun! Sometimes finding the best combo takes practice. ;)

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  8. Perfect Kenzie. I agree with every point you made.

    I like to be pushed beyond my comfort zone.

    Hug,
    Joey

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    1. Thanks joey! Being pushed beyond my comfort zone is necessary for me as well. :)

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  9. Absolutely awesome post! But Kenzie, no special sauce with your burger? I think I would feel....empty.

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    1. Lol, why is it that when I read 'special sauce' my mind goes to a totally dirty place?

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  10. Replies
    1. Credit for the analogy goes to secret spanko. I just went with it. ;) Thanks!

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  11. Love this!! Love the analogy!!!!
    Life is like a sandwich. The more you add, the better it becomes. Kinda the same with spankings - to a certain extent. ;)

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    1. Thanks Sarah, I can't take credit for the awesome analogy, but it was fun to write about. :)

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  12. Very intimate post I think. And you are right, I like spankings like that, the anticipation, although most of the time our real life intrudes, and it ends up just being the lecture and spanking and aftercare. :(

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    1. I know what ya mean there! Sometimes real life intrudes so much that it's none of those things at all. But they usually make up for it, don't they? ;)

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  13. I like most of your hamburger. ;-) It is different for everyone and for me, it's even different between each partner. They all have different styles and dynamics with me. What I do with some I wouldn't want to do with another. I think even if Colin were a lifelong spanko you'd still have differences. We all come from things with very set ideas and fantasies in our heads. And that's okay.

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    1. Very good way of putting things Lea. You always give me another way of looking at things, I love it. :) Thanks!

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  14. kenzie this was fabulous, i really felt squirmy while reading it-- totally hit me where it hurts, type thing. for me, i need that embarrassment part because i'm so stinking strong-willed and it makes me fall into submission immediately. sigh. why can't i just be submissive all on my own? dang it.

    thanks for this,
    m.

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    1. ohhh maryanne, if you find the answer to your question, pretty please let me know, ok? ;)

      I'm totally with ya there, and i know exactly what you mean. I'm glad you liked it. :)

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  15. Loved this! It's so true all those ingredients are so necessary to an effective spanking. If one or more of them is missing it just doesn't have the same amount of impact. Now the tricky part is that at the time you may not feel like you want all those ingredients. Maybe that's where the "chef" comes in and tells you in the end you'll like his little creation...

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    1. Haha, I loooveee this comment. So true - even though you might not feel like all those ingredients, it obviously makes the 'burger' so much better. ;) Even if the chef needs to do a little reminding!

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  16. Kenz,
    I swear u are in my head right now, so many things going on in there and u put most of it down in your blog!!! I was going to write on mine tonite and just thought I am so mixed up tonight I just cant, then I read this and its like wow Kenz did it again!!!!! Love it!!!
    Honey

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    1. Lol aww, thank you honey! Im glad I could give ya some clarity in a sense. ;)

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  17. Great post, kenzie! I agree...those components really make a discipline session effective, and why I think I wanted DD from the beginning...that deep emotional release you get from being taken in hand, disciplined, and comforted...it all goes hand in hand.

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    1. That deep emotional release is great isn't it? I swear it makes all the pain of the spankings totally worth it!

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  18. Thanks for the shout out, and glad you (y'all) like the hamburger analogy. Lea has a point- even among lifelong spankos, a hot trigger for one isn't the same as for others, and everyone has their own spanking style. A spanking isn't a spanking isn't a spanking- there's a wide variation among them, both among spankees and tops.
    PS do onion straws represent tears?
    PPS - a bit of spanking blog history here... one of my first exposures to spanking blogs was something Erica wrote ranting about spanking pics taken straight from behind showing well, the coochie lips, and why the heck would anyone do that?! I responded that well, maybe they were trying to add to the embarrassment, which for some is one of the elements/ingredients of a spanking, after all it's not just about hitting a bottom until it hurts. Thus began the spanking hamburger analogy, which quickly became a part of my fledgling blog.

    thanks again, and I hope I gave y'all some food for thought about how you'd order your spanking and what kind of toppings you'd include!

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    1. Well thank you for the amazing analogy and the inspiration for this post. :)

      Onion straws=tears.. hmm I like that one. :)

      Thanks for the blog history, very interesting. And thanks again for the analogy. ;)

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  19. Great post. I definitely need the Lecture, Dominance/Submission and the after care myself. Thank you for sharing this. :)

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    1. Those are all very important. :) Thanks!

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  20. Yes - definitely a recipe that needs to be adjusted for each spankee, but you and I seem to be on pretty much the same page with it! I think it's different for spankos, because there has to be *something* beyond the spanking itself to keep it separate from the *fun* spankings, you know? I mean sometimes my hubby just isn't really firm with the "bad girl" spankings, and sometimes he's really firm with the "good girl" spankings...so the lecture & aftercare & "side dishes" really help for me, too.

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    1. You're totally right, it's all about separating those fun spankings from the .. not so fun ones. ;)

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  21. LOVE this post! I may have to show this one to my hubby!

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